Grand Avenue by Mike Thompson for October 30, 2024

Not If You’re Tim Burton

(It is three weeks before Halloween. A customer walks into the gym and points at some of the decorations we’ve put up.)

Member: rudely “What is all this for?”

Me: “They’re our Halloween decorations.”

Member: “Oh, okay. Because I was going to say, it’s a little early for Christmas decorations.”

(The Christmas decorations he was referring to? Cobwebs and jack-o-lantern lights.)

Monster Having A Ball

(I’m working as a sign waver for a popular Halloween-themed seasonal retail chain. Because of the theme, I’m dressed in costume. I’m approached by a pair of teenage girls, but because I’m a little guy, I’m shorter than they are.)

Girl #1: “Hey! What are you supposed to be?”

Me: “I’m a pumpkin ghoul.”

Girl #2: “Would you be mad if I pushed you over?”

Me: taken aback “I believe I would. Though, because I was summoned unwillingly into this world to advertise for [Halloween Chain], I am still a monster.”

Girl #1: “Okay, that’s creepy.”

(The two then run away as quickly as they could after exchanging uneasy looks.)

Me: calling after them “Have a happy Halloween!”

Who does their gardening? Morticia Addams?

Even though I like our carport (no more bird droppings on our car), I do miss my front garden sometimes, especially when it comes to Halloween and Christmas decorations.

The older I get the less I worry about what the lawn looks like but I still like putting out the holiday decorations.

As I recall when I lived up north my lawn didn’t look too swift around Halloween anyway. Usually by then the grass turned yellowish brown and whatever weeds were in it kinda collapsed and played dead.

Still need to do your yard-work kiddos! No excuses.

Nature has ’’horrors’’ aplenty, if seen that way

In my neck of the woods, this is everybody’s yard right now.