Ink Pen by Phil Dunlap for December 21, 2013

I’ll give him

a pot of my hish hash/hell fired stew*a 2 dozen piece stack of my French toast*a 2 dozen piece stack of pancakes with maple syrup or either my dad’s grape jelly or plum jelly (he messed up on the pectin so their actually more of syrups than jellies)*a dozen piece stack of my flapjacks with butter and honey*some egg toast*a pan of my Indian pudding*four of my mincemeat pies*a couple French meat pies*a couple Dingle pies*carrot and parsnip pudding*a large serving bowl of mashed potatoes*a large serving bowl of stuffing*four dozen of my strawberry shortcake*some of my crepes with peppermint candy cane dip spread on it*a large serving bowl of butternut squash*a generous serving of deviled turkey served over either toast or rice*my meatloaf*a homemade chicken pot pie (I make it in a small lasagna pan)*turkey tetrazzini*four gallons mulled cider (non-alcoholic)*a pot of my clam chowder*a pot of my fish chowder*a pan of colcannon*a couple racks of barbequed ribs*a barbequed picnic shoulder*a meatloaf made from a baked picnic shoulder injected with liquid hickory smoke and the meatloaf then grilled on a wood fire*a small serving bowl of my mom’s cranberry-orange relish*a large gravy dish of my mom’ giblet gravy (we have always joked her giblet gravy can make anything taste better and have had extended family request it*four of my pumpkin pies

if he’ll promise to first spend a few minutes trying to talk things out before he has to resort to a fight. And to teach this dweeb HOW TO FIGHT. Nothing against fighting, sometimes you don’t have a choice and more people need to realize this. But nothing wrong with trying to avoid a fight either.

Heck I might even try learning to make a little mead to offer him. Although I’m already getting him drunk without the mead, and it ain’t from the mulled cider either. It’s from the brandy in my French toast and strawberry short cake and the brandy and sherry in my mincemeat pies. I don’t personally drink, but I do get a little heavy handed at times with alcohol in my cooking so you can get drunk off that.