La Cucaracha by Lalo Alcaraz for December 19, 2013

I often wondered what would happen if Jesus showed up today.The Republitards would all get right behind him and and start shouting, “See,see, we told you so! Jesus is back and now you Liberals are gonna get it! He’s on OUR side and now Jesus is gonna punish you for your lack of faith, and helping the poor and letting gays get married!”Jesus would walk up to the podium, look around the room and clear his throat. And just as the Right wing-nuts and Teabaggers start to sneer and rub their hand with delight. Jesus starts to speak, “OK, glad to see you all here, the first thing I want everyone to do is give up all your wealth and give it out as alms to the needy!” The multitude behind him would all blanch and start to choke before as Jesus continues. “Secondly, I need you to all put aside your petty differences and devote yourselves to a life of charitable giving and outreach….”That’s when a few begin to regain composure and the shouts start. “Communist!” “Imposter!” “Terrorist!” "Charlatan!, the few shouts from behind Jesus become a chorus of vitriol and venom.Before Jesus can even get another word out he is tasered by Capitol Hill Police and dragged of the stage and shipped off to Guantanamo never to be seen again.Don’t fool yourselves folks, if Jesus was real and he did come to our elected leaders to spread his message of peace, love, and equality for everybody… THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT WOULD HAPPEN!I may be an Atheist, but even I’m loving the new Pope, Because he is a real Jesuit and a threat to all the greedy evil eliteist scum who really mucked things up for the rest of us so bad it’s probably gonna take 200 years to straighten it out, providing we don’t get any more idiots like Mitt the wonder Romney and GWB the dimmest bulb that ever sat in the Oval Office!