Moderately Confused by Jeff Stahler for June 04, 2021

I will be using that line with my wife next time we are out looking at shoes.

If soak your feet is that arch enemas?

I’ve commented before on women’s apparel, particularly the love-hate relationship women have with their bras. However when it comes to footwear, the relationship can only be described as an obsession. It is almost like an addiction: too much is never enough.

I have a niece who owns several hundred pairs of shoes (I am not exaggerating). For her, there is not such thing as “Too many shoes.” Shoe shopping with her is a 4-hour affair even if she only emerges with less than a half dozen pairs of shoes. Her name is not Imelda.

Even my wife, who is very sensible about her wardrobe, has about 10 times as many shoes as I do.

I have a black pair, brown pair, dress black pair, sneakers for workout, sneakers for casual wear and work boots for the garden. Most are decades old. I am not at all concerned about style, and neither does anyone else care about the style of shoe I, or any other man, wears.

Not so with women. Even lowly sneakers change style every year. There’s “flat” slip-ons, pointed toed, square toed, wide heeled and platforms that are so high they look like clown shoes and require a step-ladder to get into.

Then there are high heels that vary between a fraction of an inch in height to skyscraper proportions.

I am an anti-heel proponent. I’ve studied both human anatomy and mechanical engineering. High heels are not compatible with the human form. They are unstable, subvert the dampening effect provided by the foot’s arch, wedge toes into unnatural, hobble-like positions and transmit shock up the heel and leg into the lower spine. I think they were invented by the Marquis de Sade. Had they been invented earlier, we would have seen them as instruments of torture during the Inquisition.

I’ve seen women’s review of shoes that describe where to put the Band-Aids on your feet to keep them from hurting you.

For the sake of their own health, I am glad to see that women are coming around to wearing sneakers even with dresses. Sense over fashion?

Over thinking it a bit isn’t he.

Either way, guess who’s footing the bill?

Cathy or Lila?

There won’t be time to find his tassel loafers.

Humans’ feet are generally not their most attractive feature. Women try to compensate, while men just try to conceal what they can’t change.

Someone sounds in need of inner heeling.

Same thing.

She’s a sole sister.

He better just toe the line.