MythTickle by Justin Thompson for April 15, 2019

Since when do clams look like crabs?

Tell them to clam up…

Happy as a clam at high tide. When they are safe and there is plenty of food available.

of course little clam, you are a bivalve, you suck to survive.

This one new.

Aw man, we don’t get to see Venus in a swimsuit?

Clams got GRIPES!

Foul-mouthed bivalves! Don’t harsh on Venus and Neptune’s Joyfest, okay?

Just wait till BC spills the beans about clams having legs…

Yea, she is happy on the beach side. But wait till she goes to the orchard fields and flower gardens. She will be sneezing her happiness all over the place. :)

Then, there are those Lazy guys like Jack the Slob:

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Jack the Slob to Venus prayed:

“Grant this night I shall get laid,

Tonight I shall get laid.”

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The Goddess said: “That shall I do,

But first I ask three things of you.”

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“First, go clean your teeth and bod and hair,

And change your week-old underwear.”

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“Next, pray put on clothes that flatter you:

A clean T-shirt and jeans will do.”

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“Third, when a maid you would impress,

Pray do not drool down her chest.”

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Jack replied: “No, thank you, Ma’am.

Send me a girl who’ll take me as I am.”

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Venus said: “I’ll tell you what,

Though I should kick your lazy butt.”

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“Perhaps ’twould be more fitting far

To send you a maid who’ll take you as you are.”

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“Pray go at once to the city zoo,

There you’ll find the maid for you.”

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There he went with hopes held high

Until the ape house he came nigh.

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There a maiden him did view,

And she was struck with passion true.

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Her hair was thick, her looks were free…

Indeed, she was a lovely chimpanzee.

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She leapt the fence ere he could run,

And seized him boldly by the bun.

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She dragged him swiftly to her lair.

For all that I know, he may still be there.

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So lazy swains, you’d best believe:

You should not get the Goddess peeved.

You should not get Her peeved!

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Song © 1984 Leslie Fish

Oh clam up.