Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for May 01, 2020

And the people in the pews are snoring

They deserve each other

If you are in the audience, you should sleep through this part and then drink coffee so you’ll be awake for the dance. Maybe the groom is hoping that the bride sleeps through a certain part of what’s she’s agreeing to.

300 page “briefs”.

If they’re both lawyers, they can haggle it out in Divorce court.

Considering that wedding vows constitute a legal contract, maybe you should have a lawyer look them over for you.

I’m kind of fond of the idea of a law requiring wedding vows to be short enough that even nervous gigglers can get through them in less than a couple of minutes, tops.

Old joke theme.

I could say that the bride was getting married on a pro bono basis, but Sonny’s been dead for years now.

Then again, the groom might be in a mood to Cher.

A ten year lease these days……

It could be argued that lawyers shouldn’t be allowed to get married….

My choice would be a seat by the exit sign – the best kind of loophole

Potential suit – exit signs are to be above eye level.

Well, when you consider that for centuries marriage was seen as a sort of contract between two families, I guess that’s right.

Did anybody notice the prominent EXIT sign in the back of the church? One last warning.

Nah. Serves them right.

another re-run.

You may now kiss the party of the first part…

The Coen Brothers did this already. George Clooney was pretty good in it.

I played for a wedding between two lawyers many years ago; it was at least her third marriage and his fourth. People in the back were taking bets on how long it would last. Several years later, I was in an accident and called the law firm headed by the groom at the aforementioned wedding. The associate asked me how I’d heard of “Bruce”, and I said "I played for his and “Theresa’s” wedding". The associated said “Oh, don’t mention that — he divorced her and he’s back with his first wife.”

I’ve thought for a long time that Marriages and Weddings should be treated entirely separately. The former is a legal contract and the latter is a religious rite turned into a public spectacle.

Marriage vows and NFL contracts have a lot in common.

My grandson was considering being a lawyer. I told him to become a pimp instead because it would be a more positive contribution to society and his colleagues would have higher ethical standards.

Why lawyers should never reproduce.

Will the party of the first part please stop referring to the party of the second part as that piece I’m going to get tonight.

I like the exit sign, which of course, I’d be heading, right, about, now…