Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for June 27, 2020

“I now mispronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Smith.”

What, no broken glass?

No plates being smashed?

No Golden Temple?

Well, the ex’s maiden name was simple compared to mine but the priest got it fairly right. Good thing too as the Philly contingent were there in force. However, the pastor at my father’s funeral didn’t make my half-sister happy when he pronounced the surname wrongly. It never occurred to me to clue him in as I grew up in Lancaster County and everyone mangled it in some way. It always made it easy to hang up on sales calls. When the caller asked if I was Mr. Whats-it I just said no and hung up.

At crowded restaurants my buddies and I would write our name on the waiting list as, Dipschitz, because we loved to hear the hostess call our name! “Aw Hyuk, c’mon Otis, our table’s ready.”

First college experience I got a math professor fresh from Japan. He called roll and pronounced my name perfectly. A rare occasion. Sadly I could not understand one word after that! Dropped that course in a hurry.

It’s pronounced Mr. and Mrs. Luxury Yacht. Or was it Throat Wobbler Mangrove?

Honestly, I would have him say it aloud and then just repeat it for everyone.

I often wondered what Wheel of Fortune would look like in the Czech republic. The puzzle comes up and it already says “No more vowels.”

Or in Hawaii when a contestant says, "I’d like to buy an ‘A’ " and half the board lights up.

Or in China where contestants have to guess at the sub-ideograms that make up the whole symbol.

Uuumm Bob and Jenny

“McDonald and Berger.” Real engagement announcement.

I wonder if she’s going to hyphenate her name?

Ahhh forget it! You’re both man and wife….

Father, your Smart Phone can do it, but you have to download the camera-picture-to-text-text-to-language-wav-file-to-play-wav-file app.

Eventually they will become the parents of both Mr. Mxyzptlk and Joe Btfsplk.

Are those MADE-UP names?

There is a passage from the Bible that is sometimes used for one of the readings during Sunday services. It has a number of difficult-to-pronounce names. we are fortunate to have an ex-radio announcer in our congregation. We give this one to him.

I could never understand it being said-" I now pronounce you MAN and wife." He was already a man.

I now pronounce you Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Man and wife