Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 05, 2009

Transcript:

Elly Elephant loved giving birthday gifts. Especially to her best friend, Henry Hippo. She loved remembering each little thing Henry Hippo had ever said he liked. Then she made a card incorporating exactly that. To my favorite Tony Stewart Bacon Double Cheeseburger fan And she loved remembering every little thing Henry Hippo had ever said he needed. Hippo says, "And I need this and that and this and..." And she'd shop high and low to find that very thing. Elephant says, "Oh, it's perfect! A 'Marlon Brando as the Godfather' lamp covered in Pabst Blue Ribbon cans!! And I only travelled 2,000 miles to get it." One sunny morning, Elly Elephant rose from bed. She was very excited. It was her birthday. "I can hardly wait to see what Henry Hippo has given me," she said to herself. Elephant thinks, "We saw 'Casablanca' together. Could it be some Moroccan arts and crafts?" Elephant thinks, "But he knows I love Keats. Could it be a first edition of his collected works?" Elephant thinks, "No no no we had that wonderful French cuisine! He will cook foie gras for me!!" The doorbell rang. It was Henry Hippo. "Happy birthday," he said, handing her a gift. "It's a tape measure from Home Depot," he said. Elly Elephant stomped the lift out of Henry Hippo." Stomp Stomp Stomp Goat says, "Oh, this is a nice way to end a children's book." Rat says, "That's not the end....look what she does with the tape measure." Pig says, "Well, good luck returning that tape measure."