Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for February 07, 2016
Transcript:
Pig: Excuse me, sir. Why is Wendy's closed? I need my favorite burger. Employee: We lost our best security guard, Fred. Pig: So? Employee: So until we find another guy as good as Fred we just can't re-open. Pig; But what's so valuable that you need a security guard? Employee: Well, if you must know, we have some very valuable reams of paper. Pig: For what? Employee: TO keep track of our nuclear fission experiments. We do that here, too. Pig: So what does all that mean? Employee: It means no burgers for you. Unless you want to be security guard. Pig: Wendy's, let me in. I want to be your fred, I want to guard your reams and fissions! Pastis: Baby, I was born to pun.
BE THIS GUY almost 9 years ago
We’ll pun till we drop, baby we’ll never go back
cdgar almost 9 years ago
Pun faster, Stephan. You’re beginning to sink.
Sherlock Watson almost 9 years ago
Sing along with Sherlock: “Pun in the USA…”
LuvThemPluggers almost 9 years ago
Works for me…
AGED_ENGINEER Premium Member almost 9 years ago
I’m on fire!
Bilan almost 9 years ago
On a serious note, does their work in nuclear reaction explain why the Hot ’n Juicy is still bubbling 20 years after you buy it?
Carl R almost 9 years ago
I gather this is a takeoff to the lyrics of some song?
jackhs almost 9 years ago
Two Wendy’s near me closed down a year or two ago. Burgers were not as good there as they used to be. One Wendy’s became Burger House. The other is still vacant. I much prefer Debbie’s tacos.
JonGl Premium Member almost 9 years ago
I have discovered a new level of pain:1. Pain2. Excruciating pain3. Stepping on a Lego®4. Reading a Stephan Pastis pun;-)
Proginoskes almost 9 years ago
@ blunebottle, Carl R: Yes, it’s song lyrics … “Born to Run” by Bruce Springsteen: “Wendy, let me in, I wanna be your friend, I wanna guard your dreams and visions.”
SusanSunshine Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Carl R, Blunebottle….and whoever else…..
“Wendy let me in I wanna be your friend I want to guard your dreams and visions Just wrap your legs ‘round these velvet rims And strap your hands ’cross my engines Together we could break this trap We’ll run till we drop, baby we’ll never go back "“BORN TO RUN”Bruce Springsteen
For full lyrics ….Click here
clearplaid almost 9 years ago
Goat: Ya know, there’s nothing like a good pun. Rat: Yes, and truly that was nothing like a good pun.
Writers block has to be pretty bad when you go digging up lyrics written before the majority of your demographic was born.
SusanSunshine Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Ooops, too late….
knight1192a almost 9 years ago
@opuscroakus70 and Susan Sunshine
Thank you enormously for that. I’m hear going through Born in the USA, Dancin’ in the Dark, My Hometown, and I’m on Fire and trying to think of other Springsteen songs I knew lyrics to without getting it. Had pretty much ruled out Streets of Philadelphia and Secret Garden as being unlikely. Never really listened to Born to Run so I never even thought of trying to look that one up.
juicebruce almost 9 years ago
Thank-you Stephan for bringing back my youth for a moment. That song came out around when I graduated from high school in 1975……………….
BE THIS GUY almost 9 years ago
Ladies and gentlemen,
The Boss
Cameron1988 Premium Member almost 9 years ago
punch him in the face, Rat
38lowell almost 9 years ago
Two thirds of a pun:PU!
Brass Orchid Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Your driveway’s jammed with broken heroes on a late night power drive.There was a Wendy’s that got their digital payment system hacked and they had to go to cash only for a while because people were getting their credit and debit cards used by hackers.
Robert L Marcum Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Steph, I think this is genius!, but shouldn’t you have had him say, “I want to be your Fred” to maintain the pun line?
SeanT almost 9 years ago
Pastis, I want my 30 seconds back. (Okay, so I’m a slow reader).
wnyork49 almost 9 years ago
Puny is as puny does – keep up the good work Pastis
æ² almost 9 years ago
He puns like a Boss.
ACW1 almost 9 years ago
One of my favorite puns. I’m 32, and I love this song.Not my video, but I was there: https://youtu.be/6B_VhdK084o?t=2h9m42s“Cartoonists like us, baby we was born to pun.”
Charles Johnson Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Should it be Fred instead of friend?
Rene Bogue Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Yeah, I think he meant to write Fred for friend. Oh, the irony.
Bennie Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Explain please
Rev. Rick almost 9 years ago
Wow. Nearly “Barney and Clyde” level of esoteric. Well done.
mail2jbl almost 9 years ago
This one didn’t make me laugh, since I’m not a Bruce Springsteen fan.
twhalen almost 9 years ago
Here’s Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band to explain:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxuThNgl3YA
Defective Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Must have heard this song a hundred times. At least. I grew up in the era when it was played on the radio all the time. I never knew the words, and really didn’t care, either. This pun went straight over my head and I had to read the comments to get it.
Willywise52 Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Groan.
mattro65 almost 9 years ago
I liked “Born To Run” (and “Free Bird”, “Stairway To Heaven” and Pastis’s puns) the first couple thousand times but they are all starting to wear thin from incessant repetition. His overuse of puns makes me think that maybe it’s time for him to choose the route that Patterson and Breathed traveled down.
cgrantt57 Premium Member almost 9 years ago
I think Stephan blew his own pun here. Pig’s line should be: “Wendy’s, let me in. I want to be your Fred. I want to guard your reams and fissions.”
Why mention Fred twice in the first panels if he’s not part of the pun?
mattro65 almost 9 years ago
I’ll read what I want to read and say what I want to say about what I’ve read. I like about 80% of his strips. I can’t unread the clunkers. You sound like people who scream, “America. Love it or leave it!” There’s always room for improvement.
Elizabeth C Premium Member almost 9 years ago
@Proginoskes — THANKS. Your explanation was exactly what we needed to understand this.
eolan59 almost 9 years ago
Stephan should be dropped off somewhere in the swamps in Jersey
Spiny Norman Premium Member almost 9 years ago
I think I’ve finally been offended.
A_NY_Outlaw almost 9 years ago
Oh Stephen, look at what you’ve done.
Bruce Pifer Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Just wrap your legs ’round these velvet rims
cindyorch almost 9 years ago
they are never funny…do not understand why he is such a big deal.
ericward almost 9 years ago
Somewhere, A certain Mr. Springsteen is on a phone, talking to a Jersey hit man…
BillyJoBob69 almost 9 years ago
I hope he sues
Eric Salinas Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Well that was a painfully long set up just to to do a pun on a Bruce Springsteen song.
cactusjack99 Premium Member almost 9 years ago
wow, that is so over my head, guess I better go listen to some Springsteen
cactusjack99 Premium Member almost 9 years ago
oh crap, I just figured it out. ew.
Alida_L almost 9 years ago
Lol!! I actually like the silly puns.
Sagesteve Premium Member almost 9 years ago
I’m a HUGE fan. I’m 68…BUT this one? Out to lunch OR “lose my lunch”. Anyway…Pastis YOU clean it up.
socalvillaguy Premium Member almost 9 years ago
You know, Stephan, punning may be hazardous to your health some day. Four of five doctors say so, too.
dre7861 almost 9 years ago
Very funny – one of those where I had no idea what the pun was going to be. Very clever there, Cartoon Boy!
ibholyroller almost 9 years ago
Thanx 2 Proginoskes for the enlightenment! I was really in the dark on this one!
homerj1 almost 9 years ago
Didn’t he mean “Fred” instead of “friend” in the 2nd to last panel? The song says “friend,” but the 2nd panel says, “Fred.”
Number Three almost 9 years ago
Rat would make a very good security guard if he was at least 3 or 4 times bigger.
xxx
billmccray almost 9 years ago
Thank you, Proginoskes. I don’t know that I’ve ever heard the song. I had decided that “dreams and visions” was meant, but it meant nothing to me.
dlasher almost 9 years ago
Apparently the Rochester, NY, Democrat & Chronicle thought this one was so dumb that in today’s paper they substituted Off The Mark (which they have never printed before) instead.
twalker7251 almost 9 years ago
Forced me to Google “Born to Run” lyrics. glaring like Rat at Mr. Pastis
abbybookcase almost 9 years ago
you can’t “boss” pastis around. just keep on punning dude
Shimmery Mermaid almost 9 years ago
… when you say “Baby, I was born to pun” … do you mean?
P urposelyU tilizingN onsense
or
P ut meU nderN ovocaine
either way … runs
… cause ‘Baby I was born to run … from puns!’ :P
Stephen Hipp almost 9 years ago
Seems a shame to construct such esoteric puns just to have them rendered ineffective because the proofreader doesn’t have a brain !!!!?!!!!!
gene06825 Premium Member almost 9 years ago
What is up with these atrocious puns, which always end up in some sort of self-referential way?! These are just the worst. I normally like and admire the work by S.P., but I wish he would realize that he should just give this up. Please—lets have more of the Crocs, more of Guard Duck, more of Rat, etc. Please stop with the LAME puns.
Nicole ♫ ⊱✿ ◕‿◕✿⊰♫ Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Love the puns!!
noahproblem almost 9 years ago
I always figured Pig had a “Hungry Heart”….
kaffekup almost 9 years ago
Too esoteric; a good pun should be understandable immediately.
dukeallen almost 9 years ago
If it has to be explained (and I didn’t get it either) then the joke is no good. Let’s go back to the crocs and zeebas before it’s too late!
doublepaw almost 9 years ago
If this is a play on words of a song, I have never heart it.
richardodownhour almost 9 years ago
Bo Long? You outdid yourself this time.Keep it up.
Brass Orchid Premium Member almost 9 years ago
When puns are outlawed, only outlaws will make puns.
Bill D. Kat Premium Member almost 9 years ago
A good pun [or joke] should not need an explanation.
Saddenedby Premium Member almost 9 years ago
here is my twisted sense of humor:pastis calling rat – ‘baby’seriously???oh baby baby it’s a wild world(and yes i did get the pun on the song) sad
mdk2016 almost 9 years ago
> I want to guard your reams and fissions …
?? … dreams of visions …
Think back to the 1960’s musical “Hair” …_______________
When the moon is in the seventh house And Jupiter aligns with Mars Then peace will guide the planets And love will steer the stars
This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius The age of Aquarius, Aquarius
Harmony and understanding Sympathy and trust abounding No more falsehoods or derisions Golden living dreams of visions Mystic crystal revelation And the minds true liberation
Aquarius, Aquarius__________________________
Neoprene Wedgie Premium Member almost 9 years ago
Every time I think Stephan has hit rock bottom with his puns, he brings out another shovel. Keep up the good work!
LilPeruna almost 4 years ago
Well, that answered THAT question: I wasn’t sure WHEN I started reading PBS in the papers, so I went back to the beginning (2002) and went from there. Today’s strip is the first one that I KNOW I read back in the day!