Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for March 19, 2018

Truth only hurts the ones who tell it.

I’m a cyclist. At one point, I was going to have a shirt made to warn. cyclists behind me, “I Stop For Stop Signs.” One of my pet peeves is cyclists that give the rest of us a bad name.

Some cities are finally waking up to the problems caused by overblown, underused cycling lanes and the damage they have done to business in downtown cores and are actually starting to tear them out.

Time for the Mayor of Vancouver to ride off into the sunset.

Whoever coined the phrase “bicyc-hole” must have had Jef in mind.

Hey, Steph! Why Jef w/ one F? Must be an Elitist thing!!

A few years ago on A1A in Boca, a few bikers felt a BMW convertible got to close. They caught up to him at a stop light, and kicked his a$$.

Thanks Pearls for the reminder of how the cyclist ignore traffic laws, because after all, they’re above it all. Do they own horses too?

That is what makes me mad. When they go down the road they want the rights of a vehicle until it they want to go back to being “just a bike” again and go through stop signs, weave in between cars, etc. Be one or the other., you can’t be both!

Dear cyclists:

Riding your bike in a crosswalk does NOT make you a pedestrian.

Thanks,

M.

When I’m on the bike, I treat a Stop sign as a Yield sign, depending on the traffic. Consider, if I get hit, I’m the one hurting, not the car driver. But if no one is coming, I slow down and then proceed without stopping.

Cyclists demanded that Portland take “Action against stop sign violators.”, so as an experiment, one bad intersection had a couple cops stationed on it. 51 tickets in two hours, 48 cyclists cited including the woman in charge of the cycling program!

Stop signs? They don’t stop for red lights. And go the wrong way down one-way streets. Heck, when the city gives them a bike lane with its own traffic light, they don’t stop for their OWN light.

And if something happens, it’s your fault.

Our favorites are the cyclists riding on the shoulder of a 65 mph road near our house. They often ride 2 to 4 abreast, with one bike on the shoulder marking line, or suicide line I call it. They have a legal right to ride any road on which bicycles are not specifically banned. I guess they have the right to die suddenly, too.

I’m more concerned about the car and truck drivers who run them in our quiet little neighborhood. Wifey even saw a cop do this!

I drive an Uber, and some cyclist going the wrong way on a one-way street clipped my rear door as a passenger was getting out. Doofus. If only the police would start handing out citations…

When I was a child, about 60 years ago, I was stopped by a cop for doing a rolling stop on my bike. He gave me a long lecture and then let me go. The thing was I was short for my age, still am, and my feet didn’t touch the ground. Whenever I stopped I fell over unless there was a high curb to put my foot on. But I never did a rolling stop again.

I guess the truth hurts. Unfortunately it hurt poor Pig. Mean ol’ Jef the cyclist!

Steph must hang out in Portland. Most obnoxious bicyclists ever.

Steph must hang out in Portland. Most obnoxious bicyclists ever.

In Edmonton as I was driving home I stopped for a group of pedestrians crossing at a walk light. A cyclist came flying through the crosswalk, forcing several pedestrians to jump out of the way. Further down the road, said cyclist made a sudden change of lanes into the path of an oncoming vehicle and started screaming at the driver.

Seemed to me to be a case of don’t do unto me as I have done unto you.

This is so true! I was at a light and it just turned green when someone on a bike, who had the red light, just breezed on through and held up his hand to tell me to wait. This caused me to miss the light all together. This rider wasn’t a “Jef” type, just an average person. On a different note, it is a bit odd to have a character more disliked than Rat!!

I have, on two occasions, seen a cyclist run a stop sign and get hit by a car (in one of the cases, the car driver, due to a large truck in the lane beside him, could not possibly have seen the cyclist); the results were extremely bloody.

There needs to be a Roy the runner or Jay the jogger.

All bicyclists give themselves a bad name. They should be banned on public roads.

I just missed being nailed by a wrong-way cyclist speeding through a crosswalk. This was 45 years ago, when I was in college. Cyclists could be A-holes then, too.

I was once cycling in Boston. A car pulled up beside me. The driver told me that since he didn’t see a license plate on my bike I should get off the road and on the sidewalk before he ran me over. After I called the cops I learned he was driving without insurance and I noticed on the cop’s dashboard computer that he was listed as a sex offender. A google search on his name showed he had used his girlfriend to break a window.

I don’t judge all drivers by him, I’d like to ask drivers to do the same for cyclists. (and can I say – I think cyclists and drivers would all be happiest if there were separate trails for the bikes).

Jef the Cyclist ought to Run Out of Town, with or without his wheels.

Just say No to arrogant little men in spandex!

Maybe the cyclist should see a trick cyclist.

Yup. Different rules for bikies.

STOP beating Pig with granola bags!

To a cyclist stop is go because

Cough cough jefsonsteroids