Pickles by Brian Crane for April 21, 2018

When have Earl and Opal ever texted each other?

You have a BIG MOUTH Earl.

It’s spelled “mu”. Check the original koan under the name “Joshu” and the phrase “does a dog have Buddha-nature” for the details.

I am in Opal’s corner here. A husband can be truthful without having to be brutally honest. He had that one coming. The correct answer to that question is always, “You ? Fat? Pshaw…” Try to be as noncommittal as possible.

Actually she has a nice figure for her age. A little plump…but in all the right places

I can’t decide whether he’s brave, stupid, or just plain insensitive.

“Mooo” says the man with the pot belly.

I have a standard reply when my bride poses that question to me. I remind her that I was attracted to her because she was a woman of “substance” not one of these anorexic model types. I tell her: " I love you just the way you are, mi chiquita gordita ! "

Truth be told, she looks pretty damn good for a 58 year-old grandmother !

I go against all the comments here because it is OPAL’S fault to ask Earl in the first place. Seriously, she knew the answer she was going to get, why do it? Look in the mirror, it is less brutal.

Well – dairy cows are usually quite thin as most of their food intake goes to producing the milk. Beef cows, on the other hand, could be considered fat, but are usually just well muscled, not fat, fat. So not sure why the stereotyping of being a cow is considered a ‘fat’ remark. Now if you want to talk about swaying hips and big brown eyes in a homely face – then I might see the connection.

Guess ol’ Earl now has a good idea of what the saying: “a cardinal sin” means, huh?

If members of the same family form a string quartet, is it considered domestic violins?

Earl is far braver than I am — or less concerned about hurt feelings.

Definitely less concerned about being hurt himself.

Earl, you are losing your filter…