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- about 6 years ago on Breaking Cat News
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about 6 years ago
on Breaking Cat News
Man: I’ll dash out and get more kibble.
Woman: Could you pick up litter, too?
Elvis: LITTER TOO? DID YOU FORGET THAT YOU HAVE CATS?!
Puck: Animal crisis hotline? Yes, I’LL HOLD.
Crawl: CAT CALL
Elvis: I didn’t want it to come to this, but Lupin -
SHRED ALL OF THE TOILET PAPER!
Lupin: WHAT TOILET PAPER?
-
about 6 years ago
on Breaking Cat News
Woman: Uh-oh!
Elvis: WHAT-OH!
Woman: We’re all out of kibble!
Puck: There has to be an agency where I can REPORT THIS.
Car abuse…
Cash abuse…
Man: Oh no!
Woman: I guess all the kibble got nibbled!
Lupin: THIS ISN’T A GAME, WOMAN!
-
about 6 years ago
on Breaking Cat News
Lupin: Breakfast is MISSING.
Crawl: WHERE IS BREAKFAST? • MOST IMPORTANT MISSING MEAL OF THE DAY
Elvis: Lupin, it’s 8:15 am, PRACTICALLY NOON, and there is no kibble in the cupboard!
Crawl: KITCHEN IN CRISIS • NO ANSWERS • STILL MISSING
-
about 6 years ago
on Breaking Cat News
Puck: Elvis has a new toy.
Lupin: What?! Where’s OUR toys?
Elvis: Lupin, it’s true. The People bought a new toy just for me, and it’s awesome.
Puck: I don’t think -
Elvis: [plays]
Puck: Elvis, charts prove 9 times out of 10, the People get us toys in 3’s.
[Pie chart reads
USUALLYTHAT ONE TIME THE WOMAN STEPPED ON MY TAIL]
Elvis: Such a simple machine. [RATTLE RATTLE]
Puck: There are subtle differences.
[Diagram of CAT TOY reads
FEATHER FOR EATINGCRUNCHY BELL CENTERBOLD COLORS
Diagram of BABY TOY reads
SOFT COLORSCRISPY RATTLE CENTERSTICK FOR FLAILING]
Elvis: The Woman and I have this cute game where she’ll take the toy and put it in the Nursery, then I have to sneak in and steal it back!
I KEEP WINNING!
Woman: Gimme that.
-
about 6 years ago
on Breaking Cat News
Woman: Aw!
Man: What?
Woman: There’s an article about Winnifred Quinn today!
Man: The woman who owned this building?
Woman: Yes. She started the local cat shelter, too!
It says at the shelter she had a particular fondness for black cats, but never found one of her own to watch over.
Man: That’s too bad.
Freddie: [PAT PAT]
-
about 6 years ago
on Breaking Cat News
Puck: It’s time once again for the bi-monthly 2:00 am “Running of the Cats.”
The competitors are taking their places on the kitchen counter.
AND THEY’RE OFF!
Here’s a look at the race route for viewers at home.
[Chart shows START, KITCHEN, BATHROOM, LIVING ROOM, PEOPLE’S ROOM, SPARE ROOM, FINISH with a wild squiggly line connecting them]
Puck: A reminder: In order to qualify, each competitor must knock over a lamp.
Man: Did you hear something break?
Woman: Mmmph?
Elvis: TO GLORY!
Puck: Elvis is knocking over all the lamps! An interesting strategy… If Lupin doesn’t get in there soon, this race is lost!
Lupin: Thanks!
Tommy: Water, friend?
Elvis: NEVER!
Tommy: GOOD LUCK!
Puck: Puck here, beside the last remaining lamp -
MOTHER OF CAT!
This concludes our race! Until next time, folks!
Man: Why is Lupin all wet?
Tommy: [holds up card with 10.0]
-
about 6 years ago
on Breaking Cat News
Lupin: There’s a new picture on the wall. Elvis, what can you tell us?
Elvis: I don’t know why, but it bothers me.
Puck: …
Elvis: I do not care for this.
Puck: I feel the call of the sea…
Lupin: Puck, you okay?
Elvis: What.
Puck: Ahoy matey.
Just gonna steer the vessel this way…
Elvis: Get that smug little boat away from me! [SWIPE SWIPE SWIPE]
Puck: THAR SHE BLOWS!
Woman: PUCKY!
-
about 6 years ago
on Breaking Cat News
Lupin: The woman has a hairball.
Elvis: Elvis here, where the woman has a hairball, despite the fact that it is not 4:30 am, or as cats know it…
“Hairball o’clock.”
Puck: Ma’am?
Woman: It’s okay Puck. It’s just morning sickness.
Puck: Ma’am? Come along, ma’am. Let’s get you to a nice, clean carpet.
Lupin: Carpet is ideal, thanks to its hairball locking microfibers.
[Chart reads:
STUDY OF A CARPET
ABSORBENT LAYEREVEN MORE ABSORBENT LAYEREARTH’S CORE]
Lupin: Plus, it’s all cushy on your paws.
Puck: Ma’am?
Woman: Puck, I’m okay.
Puck: I can save you. Take my paw.
Ma’am?
Woman: Puck, really -
Puck: Just a little further, ma’am.
Elvis: C’mon. There’s a bathmat right over here.
Lupin: Think of your paws.
Puck: Would you at least like to wait until hairball o’clock?
-
about 6 years ago
on Breaking Cat News
Lupin: One of our reporters was beaten up by a skunk. Here’s Puck with the brave report.
Puck: Thanks, Lupin -
Elvis: Get out of here!
I didn’t get beat up, it just sprayed me with its butt.
Puck: What do you say to claims that you shouldn’t have even been on the back porch since we’re not allowed on the back porch?
Because of skunks.
Elvis: I say rules are meant to be broken.
Puck: Yeah, but now you’re standing in a tub of tomato soup -
Elvis: Tomato juice.
Puck: No one knows the difference.
Lupin: Lupin here, with an eye witness to the beating who claims to know the skunk!
Tommy: Louie? Yeah, I know him! Louie’s great if you don’t startle him!
Louie: Hey, I get startled!
Man: Bath time, you big goofball!
Lupin: Local artist creates magnetic masterpieces!
Take it away, Tommy!
Tommy: Quite a stir here in a local kitchen, where one cat is hard at work!
Gifted artist, sensitive visionary, and top-notch best friend material: Sophie, how do you do it?
Sophie: Not now, Thomas.
Tommy: Not now, Lupin!
Sophie: It’s nearly complete.