Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for July 18, 2013
July 15, 2013
July 22, 2013
Transcript:
summer weeding guide boorish ivy - if ignored will quickly grow into the shape of unwanted lawn objects (flamingo, chevy up on blocks, any large abandoned appliance). especially unnerving for those under autocratic neighborhood associations. dandelion 1: tie his shoelaces together! dandelion 2: pure evil! dandelion.org - densely intertwined root system creates a sentient hive-mind prone to acts of petty maliciousness. sphincterwort - (methanium) an en-tirely unnecessary evolutionary devel-opment. too nasty to even draw. touchyweed - oversensitive to the needs of rootbound americans. runs screaming the aclu when pulled up. farmer: owch rakeseed - step on it and the stalk flies up and hits you in the face! nature at its most playful!
jack fairbanks over 11 years ago
hilarious!
Sisyphos over 11 years ago
The next steps in evolution! (And relatable to today’s Cul de Sac.)
Ida No over 11 years ago
Political awareness at the grassroots level. Then there’s the really vicious ivy plants that wait until you bend over – the upyourassiums.
ehtaniguchi over 11 years ago
Our former neighbors hated us because our front yard was covered in dandelions. Their kids were always there however, picking the yellow flowers. We also were the only household on the block that didn’t have Chemlawn bombing our yard and putting up those little flags with the warning labels on them, so the neighbors thought our yard was safer to play in.
tigerchik32 over 11 years ago
Yes, but they might come in handy when zombies show up on your lawn.