Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for July 09, 2015

Transcript:

richard's poor almanac pundit tryouts by richard thompson election 2000 is fast approaching & pundits are in short supply! is a career in bloviation for you? find out today! prepare one opinion & bring a 5x7 headshot. politician: at the end of the day we'll see this horserace turn into a convention floor slugfeset, or at least a sissy-boy slap party. now if i may, i've prepared a song by cole porter. "in olden days a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking but now, god know anythin goes oop: thank you. guy: what we need is a president who projects the forceful image of a peter lorre kewpie doll. so it's gary bauer all the way! oop: thank you. crazy ed's party caricature woman: my opinions are a complex synthe-sis of everything i've seen on tv in the last 5 minutes, including the commercial with that singing lemur. oop: thank you. al gore: the al gore juggernaut is poised to crush all in its path. succumb to the inevitable! succumb! succumb! oop: thank you. lady: when the american people are confronted with the very real possibility of a george w. bush presidency, they will pause to consider: can this mean a resurgence of dana carvey? oop: thank you. old man: i say put all those thumb-suckin', chin-waggin', big suit, nostril explorers in a big room an' jes' let 'em rassle it out! oop: you're hired.