Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for February 07, 2016

Transcript:

Super Bowl Special Gosh I hate football don't you? Let's see what else is on. Click On Antique Road Rage watch is a panel of short fused, irritable appraisers erupt in a frenzy of violence when confronted by greedy nobodies bearing broken, dirty personal effects. No. Click Welcome to Chinwag! Where we'll address the issues of the day! More issues than anywhere else! Social Security! Liberals! Tainted meat! Puppy mills! Think of any issue & we're all over it like ugly on an ape-No. Click Today on Blue In The Face we'll grab the issues by the lapels & shake them silly! Hard issues nobody else will touch like how can Orrin Hatch's head get an unrestricted blood flow with those stiff collars he wears- No. Click On Open Mike Slapfest our panel of heavyweight insiders is pumped for some extreme action! They'll get those issues in a chokehold! A suplex! A scissor hold! A kidney klutch! No. Click It's Prattle Royale today on Prattlemania! No issue will leave this building alive! Their own mamas won't recognize these issues without their dental records- Gah Click On Mystery! We present a new cozy English who done it, Inspector Brit in Murder by Anglophilia. Dear Miss Dorkins' head has been sheared to clean off her torso by some sort of gardening implement. I've just found it in the bed of aspidistras. Ah. How ghastly.