Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for January 05, 2018

Transcript:

deleted birds note to birdwatchers. the following birds are no longer recognized by the audubon society. please adjust your life list accordingly. thank you. eastern pottymouthed snark assails bird-watchers with crude insults & profanity. call - "get a life you what're you lookin' at take your binoculars and ." great downy oftmolt difficult to actually see as it's often surrounded by a suffocating cloud of feathers. call - "cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough." flightless grouse plods up and down the eastern u.s. whining the whole damn time. call - "ow ow ow ow my feet hurt my feet hurt ow ow ow ow." unmitigated gull this is one show-offy little creep. call - "look at this plumage! great, huh? you guys from national geographic? you wanna see my mating dance?" commonplace dullard no distinguishing marks of any kind, really. hangs around with other, cooler, birds who wish is wouldn't call - "hey wait up wait up c'mon guys wait up."