Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for July 27, 2018

Transcript:

richard's poor almanac --- by richard thompson thoughtful last-minute father's day gifts all dads have a basic misguided sense of mechanic-al aptitude. that's what makes the puttery assortment the perfect gift! a random selection of parts from cars, appliances, boats, computers, etc. pack-ed in a handsome box. it will keep dad busy in-definitely and it will teach him shape and color recognition. $1599 dad: i'll have this all fixed up in a jiffy. just you watch! kid: swell, pop. does dad have a yearning to express himself on the fridge, but he's put off by all those "girly" refrigerator magnet poetry sets? get him manly magnets, the new magnetic poetry set that contains only words used by tough-guy writers like hemingway, spillane, tom clancy & ann coulter. $599 ernest hemingway says hemingway: these are the best refrigerator magnets i have tried. is dad a somewhat chilly control-freak type? then he needs this universal dad remote! it's covered in buttons with labels like "do as you're told," "stop that noise" & "did i tell you to do that?" and don't tell dad, but it's really just a non-functioning dummy remote with a buzzer inside, so he can't do any last-ing emotional damage, probably. comes with a quick-draw holster. $1599 dad 2: hey! you! "shape up!" tzzt kid 2: okay, there, i shaped up. is that better?