Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for July 12, 2020
Transcript:
your personalized end-of-the-year quiz 1. my major accomplishment this year was - a. achieving a permanent state of spiritual/sexual/financial nirvana. b. keeping that goldfish alive for almost six months. c. wait, i still got a few days left - 2. the most important lesson i learned this year was - grit spunk elbow grea + gumptio success a. a little grit, spunk, elbow grease & some gumption equal success. b. goldfish are boring. c. in real life, that moe howard trick with the pliers is a bad idea. 3. this year i read - un-put-downable - a novel by me myself a. glowing reviews of my first novel. b. just "goodnight moon," but 547 times. c. three fourths of this stupid quiz. 4. if this year was a wine, it would be - a. dom perignon. ahh! b. that stuff that comes in a box and costs like four bucks with a safeway card. c. i dunno, i spilled it all down my pants. howd you do? a. splendid, thanks! b. eh, ok. c. i'm still stuck on #2.
If this year was a wine it would be a tub of grape juice concentrate opened four years ago and shoved in the back of the refrigerator next to half an onion in Saran Wrap.