Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for June 28, 2015

Transcript:

Man: Search the town, the Big Gringo's woman can't be far. Rip Haywire: I saw your Sheriff gun down the judge... you'd be killing my girl just so this double-stack quesadilla an walk away clean! Woman: Did you shoot the judge, Sheriff? Man: What is this, veinte questions? Get to Gringo-killin'! Voice: Sheriff, we have found the girl you are after. The one with the guy picante hair! Man: Exelente! Eh, too bad for you, hero. You won't have long enough to save that pretty little hick from my noose. Any last requests? What did he say? Voice: He wants to know what you planted on your grave. Would a ficus be too office-ey? Voice: Vaya con dios, gringo. It is an honor for nobody like myself to asesinar such a grande hombre.... Woman: The judge that sheriff killed, he was my grandfather. Well, probably, my grandmother drank a lot of mescal! Rip Haywire: Hey, listen, send me a link to ancestry.com I've got to go save my girl from getting her neck stretched! Woman: Of course! And hey, if they already hung her, muchacho... I'll give you my digits. LATER! Rip Haywire: I've lost the use of both of my legs, and Breezy is about to be hung by crooked cops! I need a vacation from this vacation! TNT: Rip, You look worse than carrot top at a beach party