Speed Bump by Dave Coverly for March 28, 2020

That’s a LOT better than the more common road-rage driving.

“Do you know why we pulled you over, sir? You were thinking at 1,000,000 mph in a 60 mph thinking zone.”

The driver was wondering

if that booger you slurped up was tasty;where you got that haircut;read on the dirty back window: Give the driver a weird look while shaking your head.

I bet his brake lights don’t work.

I don’t care as long as the driver’s face isn’t buried in a phone.

I don’t have a problem driving. I observe simple rules.

1. Don’t fight traffic; traffic always wins.

2. If you want to be there 5 minutes earlier, leave 5 minutes earlier. This is born out by basic mathematics. Adding 10 mph to your speed doesn’t gain 5 minutes except on long cross-country trips.

3. It’s a commute, not a competition. Nobody has ever dropped the checkered flag as I came screeching to a halt in the company parking lot. Besides, I don’t know how to do a doughnut if my life depended on it.

4. Always yield right of way to assholes. I think, “Some people can’t get through the day without proving that they are an asshole. Some people jump on the first opportunity they get.” I get angry for about two seconds, question their parentage and then say a prayer that they get to their destination without killing or injuring themselves or somebody else.

5. Don’t tailgate. You don’t save any gas by drafting at city street speed. Staying back at least two seconds smooths out the ride and is less wear and tear on the brakes, tires and your nerves: not to mention increased gas mileage and longer engine life.

6. Sit back and enjoy the ride.

Re Point 5: I drafted about 2 – 2.5 seconds behind a truck for about 100 miles on I-81. I pulled in behind him just after fueling up and resetting the gages on my car. When I finally lost him as a wingman, I checked my gas mileage: 39.9 mpg. No, I do not drive a hybrid. It’s a full-sized sedan. I often “cruise control” behind trucks. It helps me maintain speed and people rarely cut you off so they can get behind a truck.

Lead or follow, just get out of the way.

why is the guy in front of you always an idiot and the guy behind you a maniac? rip george

Here in the DC area, it seems everyone practices defensive driving: they consider the road theirs alone and plan to defend it to the death!

Cause you drive a SMART car

Keep your eyes on the road jerk!

Don’t be cruisin Candy Cane Lane during the pandemic.

Eyes on the road, Pal.