Ted Rall for September 25, 1999

Transcript:

Kansas School Board, 2009. Man: Linus Van Pelt has requested to address us about the biology curriculum. Mr. Van Pelt? Linus Van Pelt: Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Over the last decase, a grotesque perverson of the truth of our origins has been force-fed to our youth. Man: Watch your tongue, sir- creationism is God's truth! Woman: Evolution is nothing but a theory! Linus Van Pelt: Agreed- but creationism isn't even a supposition! The monotheistic creation myth in your curricula is an insult to your constituents, 18% of whom believe that the great pumpkin made us in his round image! Every October 31, they gather in their local pumpkin patch, hoping that he will appear to them! Failing to teach pumpkinology to all kinds in school is unfair, illogical and blasphemous! Man: Your reasoning, Mr. Van Pelt, is flawless. So ordered. Woman: I'll burn the biblical textbooks tomorrow.