Ted Rall for April 29, 2000

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Broke? Desperate? Clueless? Why not Sell your carcass for cash! Amazingly, people give organs away for free - little knowing that their body parts fuel a $1 billion-a-year business! Another donor sap! Let's harvest this sucker's body and cash in big! Tendons are sold to athletes. Corneas are sold to the blind. And skin goes to lip jobs and penis enlargements. Including bones, your body is worth $220,000. Just add science! Now that money can be yours! Thanks to the legalization of doctor-assisted suicide, you can donate your body now - without the muss and muck of a car wreck. For a small 10% handling fee, we'll get you the full cash value of your corpse! Bye, mom! Don't be a sucker - don't donate, celebrate!* Call now! 1-877-car-cass *Harvesting of body requires termination of life, which may limit enjoyment of $200,000 cash payment. Cash fully taxable. Procedure (currently) irreversible.