Ted Rall for August 05, 2004

Transcript:

Vintage Intel from 2000 indicates that Islamic fanatics may be planning terrorist attacks on financial centers. (Man: As someone who works in the commodities exchange in the World Trade Center, I shudder at the thought of such an attack.) A newly released 1991 U.N. weapons report says that Iraq may attempt to acquire weapons of mass destruction. (Woman: We must postmen with automatic rifles in every park and playground. There's no telling what that madman Allawi will do!) Nazi sympathizes may try to revive a 1943 plot to control the ark of the covenant in order to take over the world. (Man 2: They say the ark's still in that big government archive, but who knows for sure? I hope they frisk everyone.) Southern extremists favoring succession, says an 1859 debriefing of a captured operative, have been cast out military bases. (Bush: Good job, soldier! Your torture saved a fort in South Carolina!) (Man 3: Thanks, sir!) (Woman 2: Alert the E.U.! Some dude's gonna attack them using elephants!) Next: The gunpowder threat!