Ted Rall for July 02, 2005

Transcript:

The Mystic Seer reichsmarshal von rumsfelf proffers: How to predict the end of the Iraq war. The leaves of Iraqi chai tap directly into the cosmic forces that control the outcome of the war. (Man: Maybe soon, maybe not.) If he squints really hard, Rumsfeld can see the magic date in this crystal ball looted from a Baghdad museum. (Man: Five, six, eight, ten, twelve years! Months?) The great Rumsfeld uses mind reading to learn from insurgent leaders how long they can hold out (Voice 1: We're over Mosul, now sir.) (Voice 2: I know that, idiot! I'm in Zarqawi's mind right now... haha!) Numerical analyses of casualty figures yield important clues when filtered through astrology. (Man: 20,000 cripples sounds like a lot- until you consider the saturnal cusp!) Every attack yields more subjects for necromancy (Skeleton: Send more troops) (Man: Ok.)