That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for July 23, 2021

The horse suddenly realized he was a conscientious objector.

General Joe soon found out that riding with a long pointy stick was a good way to put an eye out.

Whatchu lookin’ at? You want I put this where the light don’ shine?

Not-so-great moments in…

What is that extremely long thing with a horse’s head on the lower right there?

Yes, I know it’s crooked. This is Mongolia. You think we have 20 foot tall trees? I had to import this all the way from Siberia. And it got bent in shipping.

An Oriental Warrior on Horseback, 1828

I don’t wish to come off as judgmental, / but your choice of words is detrimental. / I’m on horseback, it’s true, / and a warrior, too. / But it’s Asian now, not Oriental.

When men battle the Mongols, the goal / is to keep intact body and soul. / One thought, “I won’t be touched, / for in Khan’s hand is clutched / the proverbial ten-foot long pole!”

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“Sir Sagramore!”

“Your majesty?”

“I’ve been thinking of inviting Sir Lancelot to the ball…”

♪♫"I beg of you, ma’am, withhold your invitation.

I swear to you this challenge will be met.

And when I have finished up the operation,

I’ll serve him to your highness en brochette!

GUENEVERE

You’ll pierce right through him?

SIR SAGRAMORE

I’ll barbecue him!

GUENEVERE

A wicked thrust?

SIR SAGRAMORE

’Twill be dust to dust!

GUENEVERE

From fore to aft?

SIR SAGRAMORE

He’ll feel a draft!

GUENEVERE

Well then…

(sung)

You may sit by me at the ball

If you demolish him in battle

In fact, I know I’d cry were you not by me at the ball!"♪♫

Camelot

The Mongolian horses won fame / as the sturdiest steeds in the game. / But the Gobi’s so dry / it’s from friction whereby / his mount’s two back hooves burst into flame.

Tell the others to forget gold. I’m going after Bitcoin. It’s not as heavy. In fact it’s as light as air.

Long before he patrolled this frontier, / Tamerlane had a foreign career. / He kept one souvenir, / (which is pictured right here), / from his time as an ace gondolier.

It was December 23rd, and having performed Feats of Strength, the men rode to the place designated for the Airing of Grievances, carrying their Festivus poles.

“I told you not to make the battering ram look like a giant penis. It’s scaring the crap out of the horses.”

Kollmann was born in Germany and having received an initial artistic education in Munich, moved to St. Petersburg as a seventeen-year-old and studied under his uncle, the famous etcher Ignaz Sebastian Klauber (1753-1817). It was there in St. Petersburg that Kollmann learned the technique that is now known as “photoshopping”. Look closely at the central figure in this painting and you can clearly see that his horse is from a Carousel.

And the horse he rode in on.

The murderous Mongol Horde/ put millions of folks to the sword/ but survivors attest/(though they do miss the rest)/ that at least they were never bored…

We’re chasing the fleeing Mongols. Wait – why is he turning around? Uh oh.

Sir Phallus of the land of Innuendo!

Stasiu of the Polish Lancers was off to battle the German tanks.

Sir, I’m from CNN, could you spare a moment for an interview about your battle strategy? And a nice photo op too. You will be the lead story tonight.

Looks like his horse is burning rubber! I didn’t know you could Power Brake a horse!

Power Brake: Pressing down the brakes on an automobile with an automatic transmission while simultaneously pressing the accelerator resulting in the spinning of the real wheels but with no forward motion of the vehicle. This practice has largely lost its appeal with the advent of front wheel drive cars and to a lesser degree, slightly more intelligent High School boys.

I fail to see the point of this picture…no… really… it’s outside the frame!!

An Oriental warrior on horseback: 

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Karl_Kollmann_Orientalische_Krieger_zu_Pferd_1828.jpg 

has info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size painting.

 

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at 

https://thatispriceless.blogspot.com/2021/07/masterpiece-2755.html 

I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. First work by this artist used here.

O.K., kids … Let’s try to find all those phallic symbols in this painting of Ghengis Cohan and his horny horde.

After his last and most serious snafu, Inspector Clouseau was sent to the Asian front.

“Yes, that’s right: It’s bigger than yours.”

Seriously? This wasn’t a great momentum phallic portraiture? Melcher is slipping in his middle age

Prince Rupert, urging on his men with the hope of them getting his "sword that night.

The fadda whose castle lies yonda.

He has a spear that’s way too long, arrows with no bow and a shield without a sword.

Hmmm.. I’ll place my bet on the other side.

Short-coupled? It’s a compact mount—much easier to park on a crowded street.

I asked for a strong steed and they give me a prancing horse?

That helmet! He has to have stolen that from an admittedly larger-than-normal cockatiel!

Attacking with the notorious Pointed Sticks.

Brutal Mongols were able to mix / savage warfare with sage politics. / Yet, despite sober aims / they still took time for games / while on horseback, like huge pick-up sticks.

Several oil fields near Ulan Bator / were producing much less than before. / Men we’re sent on patrol / to accomplish this goal: / Use a dipstick to learn where to bore.

Genghis Khan draws rein on his horse and looks back at his battle flag, trying to decide whether or not to retrieve it, (and the suitable punishment for the fool who had not properly tied it to the pole).

He’s the leader in horseback pursuits, / and is honored with loyal salutes. / All his men stifled smirks / at sartorial quirks. / They ignored his bright red kinky boots.