That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for August 31, 2022

The Count wanted to be seen as double fisted fighter. The truth is that he couldn’t decide which weapon to use.

/// The famed Flemish Count, Baldwin the Second,

never spoke his wife’s name; he just beckoned.

Ælfthryth was his mate,

(born to Alfred the Great).

Unpronounceable, but she was fecund.

The Count misunderstood when he was invited to play poker.

Apostle Pow!

A bullet head, rooster spurs, club and sword. Cletus felt ready for the weekend in Chi-town!

Hi, I’m Al. This here in my hand is Sammy. Sammy Slugger. Say ‘Hello Sammy’. Sammy is dying to make your acquaintance.

You feeling lucky, Punk?

Cletus misunderstood a little when he was hired to clean Mrs. Dorsey’s clock.

It’s not the size of the sword but how you swing it. Of course if it’s ‘This Big’, we just let it dangle. However, this other what-cha-ma-callit, daaang it’s heavvvvey!

I got nothing

Entry #23 in the Double Phallic Portraiture contest.

Is there where I get the application for the I.R.S job?

I believe this was on the cover of GQ Magazine, September 1889.

I’ve got my Amazon Prime video, some chips and dip. I’m ready for “The Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power”.

The stuff of nightmares….

A punch-press worker in Monticello

By coincidence named Punchinello

Once most greatly did mind

When co-workmen unkind

Would bring up that short clownish fellow

.

He took to carrying a sword

When someone made remarks untoward

He’d wave the sword at them

And swear bloody mayhem

If they once more mocked that name Mom adored

.

If swordplay seemed a bit too intense

Punchinello would downgrade the offense

To afford a sharp slap

A merely appropriate WHAP

To punish the rude impudence.

.

By the time Punchinello retired

His name no more mocking inspired

He became a gentle mild fellow

And was actually quite mellow

A example toward which all men aspired

“You talkin’ to me?” The early years..

Anybody else think it’s creepy that the Count has a matching little helmet on his club?

The rigors of life monastic/

With its rules, (which are quite inelastic)/

Have started to bother/

The beneficent father./

His intentions are (dare one say ?) “drastic”///

It’s the “chastity vow” that galls/

And the swelling that troubles his b@//$..

But he finds some relief/

In distributing grief/

To those whom he skewers or mauls..///

He’s looking for someone to smite/

(If you’re wise, you will promptly take flight)/

He’s a warrior monk/

In a bit of a funk/

Beware when he feels Divine Right ! ///

What? They left for the Crusade without me? (sad Baldwin II noises

Okay, off to war. But then I’m going back to sleep

He was a foe that few dared to face / Because of his skill with a sword or a mace. / But along came the gun / And rather spoiled all the fun, / He became obsolete losing that “arms race.”

Dentistry – the early years.

Hi, I’m here to sell you car insurance.

Got his shoes at same store as Colonel Rosa Klebb.

“Felonious Monk”

Sure he’s not on the PGA tour? Although it looks as if he would have a wicked slice.

" He Is My Shield, My Rod, And My Sword " – make up your own lyrics!

Even Alec’s ancestors were considered dangerous when handling props.

I must ask myself…why did I leave the monastery?

“And if the right one don’t get you then the left one will “ -

“The mace is for when I’m feelin’ merciful.”

Bats Right, Slices Left.

Oh, but this has possibilities. “Thor — cleanup hitter for the Valhalla Vikings”.

Baseball looked a lot more interesting back then what with deadly heel spikes and arguments about a called strike decided by who won the fight to the death – the ump or the batter.

I’d buy a ticket.

The weapon on his shoulder is called a goedendag: “Good Day!”

The mace was considered a good weapon for churchmen because it killed quickly instead of letting you linger with blood loss and infection.

Looks like a power slugger!

He’s in the Baseball Hall of Fame. His card is worth a fortune……

Stab softly and carry a big stick.

There thurely ith thomething amith/

When a king nameth hith daughter Aelfrith/

But Alfred wath Great/

And tho Baldwin’th mate/

Wath thaddled thereafter therewith.

Baldwin II of Flanders: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:Albrecht De Vriendt" site=commons.wikimedia.org

(syntax supported by the Google, Yahoo, Bing, DuckDuckgo, Ecosia, and Yandex search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and choose the first Category: found, and once there find the text string Baudouin, and click its link for info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #2987 (August 31, 2022) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger if you trim what’s after .png from the URL). I have added a comment there pointing to the blog entry with my comment containing some artist info links. So far 3 works by him have been used here. The September 3, 2021, strip has the prior.

“I wanted to pose with an AR-15, but I failed the background check.’

A pioneer in the “yellow-screen technique,” de Vriendt handed his canvasses off to Preindustrial Light and Magic (Marin Duchy) for the finishing elements.

Vlad finally gets his promotion from Bludgeoner to Impaler.

Count Issack, when he stoops down to pet a puppy he sits on his spurs, and it hurts him, but he is always nice to puppies.

Coneheads would not be popular for another 100 years.