Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for January 25, 1998

Transcript:

Father: This is so much simpler. Mother: No muss, no fuss. Police: Freeze. Boy: It's recreational! I swear! Businessman: Come on - we need 5,000 more water pollution units! Woman: United Mills is on hold... 5 simple steps toward a better America. If there can be a death penalty, surely there should be a life-extension reward. Each good deed entitles you to one clone of yourself. Optimal allocation of Kaczynskis: zero Teds, two Davids. Yes, simplification should be the primary criterion for our tax system, but the "flat tax" is still too complicated. Just divide up a budget and send everyone a bill. (Except the rich - they alsays find loopholes anyway so it's simpler just to leave them out.) For a crime-free civil society we should finally give the "Right to bear arms" its full and intended meaning - and give every citizen pushbutton access to America's nuclear arsenal. We lost the "War on Drugs" because of the drugs we chose to battle. WE should declare war on drugs whose users have some regard for the criminal justice system. So, legalize LSD, Cocaine, and Heroine! Outlaw Rogaine, Chablis and Marijuana (medicinal only)! Give every citizen the right to pollute 1/250 millionth of the curre