Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for September 18, 2004

Transcript:

The 1940s. A world at war. htiler's unspeakable forces threatening global domination. Japan's war machine cruelly executing it's imperialistic campaign. All leading to one question -- What were the candidates for the 2004 Presidential Election doing at that time? A News of the Times Special Report Bush and Kerry's World War II records examined Not yet two years old at the time of Japanese surrender in 1945, young John Kerry had precociously started a "victory garden" and a scrap metal drive. However, a group called "World War II Toddlers for Truth" now disputes that account. Fred: Collecting scrap metal?! Bah! He was stealing hubcaps and selling them to local crimelords! Fred Henderson - Was a Vermont toddler in 1951. Carlos: That was no "victory garden"! He was growing pot and smoking it with communists behind the Woolworth's! Carlos Rovo - Claims to be Kerry's identical twin. George Bush says his lack of service in WWII was due to his being born in July, 1946, almost a year after the war ended. Bush: Those were my young, reckless, unborn years. But newly discovered records show he was conceived in 1942, and opted to remain in utero until the war was safely over. Obstetrics Report Date: December 11, 1944 Patient: Bush, Barbara Remarkable case: 21 months overdue and no sign of labor. Baby still cowering in fetal position This is consistent with Bush's advanced development at birth, weighing in at 28 pounds. Bush: You lay one finger on that tush, and I'll have my daddy get your license revoked! NEXT Did each candidate act honorably in the Cola War of 1987?