Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for November 06, 2004

Transcript:

Did you know? this week -- Ashlee Simpson! There are those who accuse this comic strip of being obsessed with 1960s comic books, proto-hominids, and the 2004 election. Well, we can be as hep and "with it" as the next culturally irrelevant comic strip! And to prove it, here are fun facts about the new pop diva! Ashlee is the world's heaviest woman... If you measure weight by how many smiles one's music brings to the world!! Much of Ashlee's image is carefully manufactured. She's actually a 42-year-old Filipino man! Ashlee Simpson CD sales in Brazil were abysmal until it was realized that her name means "Ashlee Simpson" in Portuguese! If you meet Ashlee Simpson at the 7-11 and make out with her in her Toyota Camry, your buds will totally not believe you! Ashlee's sister Jessica is a world-famous element, with an atomic weight of 188! Ashlee owns the world's smallest ball of twine, only ten inches in circumference! It was Ashlee who, in an acid reflux-induced seizure, accidentally forged documents related to PResident Bush's National Guard records. Ashlee: Whoops!