Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for February 11, 2006

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling A Million Little Barrels A Story of Addiction George W. bush Addicted to oil. Starting each day in a frenzied search for a fix. George W. Bush: Oil...Oil... My addiction draws me into unsavory associations. But it must be fed. George W. Bush: I'm jonesin', man. People try to reach me. But me and my friends are just too far gone. Man: Shouldn't we be lessening our dependency on oil? Dick Cheney: You WUSS! That's for the personal virtuers! Anything to maintain the flow. A supplier gets threatening with WMDs, and I go ballistic. George W. Bush: I'm taking on Saddam! IT'S GO TIME! It's a blood fight, but I win, dammit! I find myself on an aircraft carrier. MISSION ACCOMP George W. Bush: Aargh! Who's next?! I'm one BAD mother!! I keep buying oil in bad neighborhoods. When evil-doers start hounding me, I take steps to protect myself. Man: Is that wiretapping constitutional? George W. Bush: Shut up! I got a warrant! 12 steps?! For WIMPS! I've totally quit on my OWN! Or...I WILL...cut it down...quite a bit...by 2025 for sure. Publisher's Disclaimer Since publishing this "memoir," several facts have come to light that require explanation: 1. This story was a subjective truth, remembered through an oil-haze. 2. "Saddam" was a composite character. 3. His possession of WMDs was an "emotional truth," not the "actual truth." 4. The warrants for wiretapping were an embellishment added to enhance dramatic tension. And a coping mechanism. But not a lie.