Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for February 04, 2011

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Did You Know? This week -- The Super Bowl Yes, the Super Bowl is the Super Bowl of Super Bowls! So, of course, this will be the Super Bowl of compilations of fun facts about the Super Bowl! This gripping contest of gridiron greats is designed to distract you from the fact that you are politically and economically oppressed and exploited! Vince Lombardi made football history in Super Bowl II when he sneezed, burped and passed gas at the same time! Chuck Winston, of Carmel, Ind., insists that very tight pants and reaching into crotches are necessary parts of the sport, and have nothing to do with homoeroticism! TAXPAYER-FUNDED FUN Most attendees write off the cost as a business expense, so YOU'RE paying to stage the event! Thanks! Super Bowl Sunday is also known as the "Super Bowl" of ADVERTISING, WINTER GRILLING and ALCOHOL-RELATED TRAFFIC FATALITIES! At stake: Members of the winning team each receive $90,000, a ring, and criminal immunity for one rape! Daniel Beiner, of Virginia Beach, Va., once watched the Super Bowl SOBER, and reports that much of the second-half broadcast is actually dead air and footage of chimps on tricycles! Joe Montana is blamed for plumbing problems in San Francisco when, at halftime in Super Bowl XIX, he flushed two million toilets in the area!