Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for April 06, 2012
Transcript:
tom the dancing bug's super-fun-pak comix edited by rubin bolling superhero fantasies for the middle-aged doctor: that prescription is limited pharmacy man: limited?!!! ripppp man: how many viagra pills does my plan limit me to? doctor: gulp... 8 per month. man: oh! o.k. that's plenty. phar thrilling post-apocalyptic adventures next: more thrills! dinkle, the unlovable loser person: oh, sir, air mail does not refer to sending actual air! dinkle: sigh u.s.p.s. person: but what a charming misunderstanding! dinkle: shut your piehole, fatty. where's the men's room? i've got the runs. the floating head of irrelevant and wrong predictions sir: so mccann lied! but how can we prove he did it? if only we could trick him into confessing... lady: look! head: ryan seacrest will secede from the u.s., and form an island nation of ferrets! percival dunwoody, idiot time traveler from 1909 percival: how odd. one day later- percival: now, i shall travel back in time one day. scientist: i must warn you... everything in the universe is moving! percival: pish posh! advertisement after box office bombs "mars needs moms" and "john carter," moviegoers have spoken loud and clear: we hate mars movies! to avoid embarrassment, disney has set the new john carter sequel on a totally different planet, one that will not have audiences snickering... disney john carter 2 warlord of uranus! "uranus is mine!" you'll gasp as john carter probes uranus and finds a strange and romantic landscape! "i love uranus, and i'll make it my home." uranus will never be the same!!!
LHPuttgrass over 12 years ago
The Pak is King. All hail the Pak!
Donaldo Premium Member over 12 years ago
Disney deserves the pain for taking Mars out of John Carter.
Possum Pete over 12 years ago
Dinkle Rocks!
el8 over 12 years ago
no, myanus is mine
Lynn Savage over 12 years ago
I’ve always wanted someone to explore Dunwoody’s point about time travel. Suck vacuum, dinosaur hunters of the future!
Anarcissie over 12 years ago
I liked the monsters. A touch of lipstick and a few accessories, and they’d be ready for their close-ups.
ermaltwo over 12 years ago
why does john carter have a fender guitar strapped to his back? is he rockin’ uranus?
fritzoid Premium Member over 12 years ago
“idunno why everyone thought john carter bombed, it was great!”
Because it cost $250 million to make (and millions more to promote), and had a $30 million opening. In its 3rd week of release, it grossed only $5 million. Domestically, it’s only earned back about 20% of its budget (it’s doing half-decently worldwide, though).
“i went and saw it with 30 of my friends opening day!”
The DIsney Company thanks you very VERY much, and hopes that the 31 of you each sees it several thousand more times.
ickymungmung over 12 years ago
“In Hollywood, nobody knows anything.”William Goldman (who should know)
robinafox over 12 years ago
Boo to whoever thought up the name Uranus for exposing us to so many puerile jokes. It bugs me that this planet is the only one named after a Greek god not a Roman one. Why, oh why didn’t they use Caelus?
Packratjohn Premium Member over 12 years ago
Bombed? Box office results make no sense. If people don’t go to see it because of a critic’s review, then the box will be lower, obviously. If people actually pay to see the film, THEN decide, the studio might actually make a profit. So, do the critics call the shots, or do the movie goers?