Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for July 27, 2012
Transcript:
Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Presents: News of the Times Political Roundup 2032 We start our review of the political issues of the year 2032 with the 22nd emergency extension of the Bush tax cuts, agreed upon by lawmakers at the underwater domed capitol. The Supreme Court ruled it is constitutional to restrict all abortion procedures to a central location, even though many patients would have to drive through the now lawless zone in the heat-plains of the midwest. Welcome to MINNESOTA The controversy over prayer in school raged on, as Oklahomans, evacuated from their now uninhabitable state, clashed with their new Oregon neighbors. Oklahoma kids need prayer in Oregon God In School There was a respite in the controversy over the law limiting the size of soda servings, as corn and sugar crops no longer exist. Will our rival China get the upper hand on drilling rights for carbon-based fossil fuels in the newly temperate Antarctican pine forests? But the story of the year: divers found evidence corroborating 44th President Barack Obama's birth certificate in the sumberged city of Honolulu. On the lighter side, a bunch of nutcases tried to get some legislative action to prevent "global warming"! Global Warming is Real You are literally killing our planet! Please! For God's sake Lower Carbon emissions Ha, ha! Don't these tree-huggers realize we have REAL ISSUES to deal with?!
Well, it’s clearly getting warmer but what can be done about carbon emissions? Most Americans think he or she is entitled to drive a giant gas guzzling pickup or suv and when you fly over cities at night you have to wonder if all those street lights and parking lot lights need to be on. Then there are are the emerging economies that are building power plants like crazy, buying cars, etc. Well, why not, they’ve earned it after years of privation. For these reasons, I don’t think there will be significant reductions in carbon emissions. Nobody wants to bite the bullet. And Americans least of all.
So here’s my solution: embrace it. Embrace global warming. Adapt to it. Harness it. Grow food in the newly warmed areas. And most important of all, start making plans now to flee from coastal cities!