Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for November 07, 2014

Transcript:

governors christie & cuomo's guide to ebola chris: people ask us: when health workers return to our states from west africa, how do we know if they have ebola? andrew: the answer is simple: science! here's how we do it. chris christie, governor, nj andrew cuomo, governor, ny first they're quarantined in a tent for 21 days. why 21? it's one week shorter than "28 days later," a zombie movie based on actual science that we didn't see. then, during a full moon, a newt is placed in the shoe of the patient. if the newt runs out of the shoe, the patient has ebola, and we bring in the leeches. it's well-known that those possessed by ebola float in water. so after a good leeching, we tie them up and dump them in a lake. if they drown, we know they were cured! andrew: the keys to sound science are responsiveness to mass hysteria and political calculation. chris: here's a health worker who's been cleaerd. we'll need more just like her to stem the very real and dangerous otubreak in africa. next week - chris: i'll explain how science determines whether global warming is real or a hoax. i quarantine myself in a room with the koch brothers, and if i emerge with enough money, it's a hoax.