Cleats by Bill Hinds for May 24, 2023

I am surprised that Seinfeld did not think up of an episode where Elaine got banned from a supermarket doing what the ref did in the strip or had Kramer or George get hazed for being on the other side of a situation and actually get run by the management for having 10 items in the 8 or less express lane. Jerry S covered just about everything else in his show about nothing. Of course maybe they did do this and I just missed the episode.

True story: I realized I had to get out of teaching when I was in a department store (remember those?) with my wife and children, and another child went running past and I automatically said “No running in the halls!”

Looks like the position of referee has gone to that guy’s head.

I just wish they had a 200 items or less line at Costco…..

My group of friends, all retired referees, take their red and yellow cards to the bar or to the golf course. We have fun with them especially if we recognize one of the patrons as a soccer coach.

True story (or so I’ve heard): Besides drawing “Peanuts”, Charles Schulz was an amateur hockey referee. For checking penalties, the refs had to raise their arms first before blowing the whistle. Out shopping one time, Sparky saw two people run into each other, and he automatically raised his arm. Fortunately, he didn’t have a whistle with him…

Slightly off topic…the PaintBall Theory for Improving Traffic. Everyone’s vehicle is enhanced with a paintball gun on the front hood which can be fired with voice commands like “Green Tahoe running the red light”. Everyone is distributed three paintballs each month of a certain color. As the Peace Officers in the Towing Truck drive around they look for any car that has more than TEN paintball marks of ONE color or more than TWENTY paintball marks of ANY color. The vehicle (if moving) is stopped, the occupants are dismissed and the vehicle is towed away. Problems such as divorcing couples finding and having friends pound the opponents vehicle have been noted and ignored. /s

. . . And she paid with a check! Which she didn’t even start writing until after everything was rung up!

Dr. Pedant says: You carded her for having too many items … but you didn’t card the store for using “Less” instead of “Fewer”? For shame, sir. For shame.