Close to Home by John McPherson for October 12, 2022

Sadly headstones don’t come cheap.

So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde, and that’s it hangin’ on the shed.

Cremation is less than a $1000 here in Texas All you have to do is shop around It’s even cheaper If you say it’s for a large pet

clyde died, he lies inside

And he’s one of your characters?

I like it! Short and to the point.

Funeral homes make a Killing off of charging high prices.

Here in the midwest we tell jokes about Ole. When he died, the guy at the local paper said his wife, Lena, should put something in the paper. She said, “OK, then, write, ‘Ole died.’” The guy said, “You can have up to five words for free.” She said, OK, then: ‘Ole died. Boat for sale.’"

4 characters for the year of death, $150. It got done and the monument company owners got busted for drugs so I never got billed.

I’m in the business and death is not cheap.

“HOLE IN ONE”

(9 characters)

(I wanna be buried on the golf course, in what appears to be, my favorite sand trap)

I’m being cremated and my ashes spread on my garden. MUCH cheaper!

You know, all in all, that’s about it. …depressed, me.

He’ll never know…..

I guess it’s too late for us to talk to you about Death Insurance. By the way, the warranty on your vehicle is about to expire.

I mis-read that middle gravestone as “Cloris Leachman.”

“We tanned his hide when he died, Clyde, and that’s it hanging on the shed.”

I’d hate to have a last name like Died…

Makes a nice first verse for a nursery rhyme

For 9 characters I would have put, He Dead RIP

If she could have sprung for just one more letter she could have gotten “Lucky Stiff”…

When my mother passed, it cost us $400 to have the year added to an existing headstone. And we got a discount.

I’ve heard of a fly on the wall but never a Bleeb on a coat.

A lot of people choose cremation, just be sure you don’t have your ashes spread on the ocean. If the boat is too close to shore they wash right up on the beach and everyone walks on them. I live near a beach where at least once a week some summers we get “ashed” and a lot of funeral flowers float in with the ashes. (just to make sure we know exactly what is littering our beach)

I wonder if he ever tied his friend’s kangaroo down……

And you spent it stating the obvious?

You just need “CLYDE”. The fact that he died is rather obvious.

Great idea for a Halloween decoration, along with I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK! and I DON’T KNOW WHY I SWALLOWED THE FLY.

My brother donated his body to a medical school when he died. They picked up his body- cut the funeral home expenses out.