Close to Home by John McPherson for August 17, 2023

that could work in more places than air travel

I’d would take that. Only if there was a crying baby In the seat behind me.

Thanks, but I don’t need it. I sleep just fine on planes. I barely even remember seeing any of my flights actually taking off!

i so need this

Isn’t that what killed Michael Jackson

This is what they would do any time they would fly B.A. Barrackus anywhere.

….and, while you’re under, the on-board docs can do your heart transplant.

Will your insurance pay for that?

Fentanyl airlines. No need for seats, just stack the bodies.

I feel like we need a medical professional to weigh in on this one. XD

It’s those 17-hour flights that kill you.

Don’t forget the catheter.

Since it’s a 2017 rerun, this will be tonight’s gastronomical delight from Granny Clampett’s recipes:

Southern-Fried Muskrat and Coot Cobbler.

Milk of amnesia.

I bet that would be a very popular service on red-eyes.

This reminded me of Mr. T on the A-Team. Such a tough guy but so afraid to fly. The other guys always had to find ways to knock him out to get him on a plane. Then he would be mad when he found out he’d been up in the air. I’m like, “Dude, why are you so mad after the fact? You didn’t know you were up there.” Heck, if I had that kind of fear, I would ASK to be knocked out and then when I woke up, all would be good! I always loved being on a plane, though. I still like the flying in and of itself. I just avoid it now because the airports are such a hassle.

I wash down a Xanax with two airline sized bottles of Canadian Club. I remember taking off at Ohare, waking up at Heathrow.

I’m in. Sign me up. I’d settle for a tranquilizer gun. I’ll pay double if you hit the kid back there kicking my seat.

How much extra for a pedicure?

One of the advantages of having sleep apnea is that I can sleep almost anywhere at almost any time.

The problem with it is that I can sleep almost anywhere at almost any time.

Just don’t give any to the flight crew.

A little “Gonga weed” would help out.

Should’ve been done a long time ago

“This is the Captain speaking. In case of emergency, anesthetic will pop out of the overhead compartment. Please put yourself under before assisting anyone else… ’

At least you won’t be panicked looking out the window, seeing the creature on the wing fragging an engine. (Twilight Zone)

They should just pump it thru the air system…

“In the event of an emergency, your limp body is on your own. Thank you for flying with us today.”

I’d pay for that.

Just a shot of Valium would be fine!

Nobody is going to mention the size of those luxurious seats?

Sign me up.