Frazz by Jef Mallett for June 17, 2014

You can combine the first and last one, but you need to be sneaky and quick.

I guarantee Big Nate wants in on this guy right about now.

So what’s going to take place in class today?

I remember my last days of school as mostly goof-off days. The teachers knew it was impossible to do any real work. The kids were too wound up, and the teachers were anxious to start their vacations too. Last days were essentially no-work days.

Last days were cleaning days for us in elementary school. Cleaning desks, lockers, the classrooms.

On the other hand, our high school instrumental music program was so serious that the last day of school my senior, we had nothing to do. So we sight-read “An American in Paris.”

As a kid, the real teachers were the capable ones, the ones who could deal with Caulfield, or at least not get flustered. The subs were the ones you could mess with. Now I work in a school, and it’s the same.

So why are the roles reversed here, between Mrs. Olson and the sub Mr. Uhrman? (Other than for comic effect?)

There’s only one thing to do for a substitute teacher: give them substitute work!

A lot of kids ask, “Why do we even have to come in on the last day? Can’t we just cancel it?”Answer: If it were canceled, that would just move the “last day” back by one. You would still have a useless last day.But, of course, you could cancel the new last day…then that new last day…etc.Eventually, we’ll all just stay home all year! Woo-Woo!

I never worked in a school where not leaving plans for the sub wouldn’t have resulted in my spending quite a while in my supervisor’s office and a notation being placed in my permanent record. It was totally OK to leave plans that were unrelated to the current flow of instruction, since most teachers want to teach that themselves, insuring understanding before going on to higher levels. But, to leave no relevant plans for a sub? I never heard of anyone having the audacity to try to get away with that!

And remember. Anything he assigns is due Monday!

Let’s face facts — the last day of school has a standard three-step lesson plan – 1) Insert video 2) push play 3) distribute cupcakes.