Speed Bump by Dave Coverly for April 21, 2015

Tyvek!

Those pull-a-number dispensers can fool anyone that they were strong.

Is this like the candle you can’t blow out?

Is that how Harry got his black eye?

This is derived from “tearable puns.”

Pull my finger.

THAT is what I call a motivated buyer.

In real life: arthritis medication that can only be opened with a jackhammer and a couple of pounds of C4 explosives.

Or was that the last shrink-wrapped whatever I bought.

Stronger than dirt. Old Ajax Laundry Detergent commercial. Or as my late mother would say, “He’s got Mussels to kill Chaim Yussel”. There’s no such person.