Close to Home by John McPherson for May 28, 2010

I can’t do that, Dave…

I’m afraid. I’m afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I’m a… fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you’d like to hear it I can sing it for you.

“Daisey, Daisey, tell me your answer true.”

You use the key to lock the door when you exit. Ergo, you have the key. What part of this doesn’t SHE understand?

They need to call a locksmithonaut

One of them needs to get on the cell phone and call triple A…

Look Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.

Don’t they have a spare dey hidden under a rock or something?

If the crime rate on the moon has gotten so bad that they have to lock their doors, I’d recommend that they move…

BTW, I love all the 2001: A Space Odyssey references.

Maybe it’ll open if one of them says “Open sesame!”.

IIRC, it was Dan Ackroyd ding this as an SNL skit. Several copies on YouTube and elsewhere.

Where’s that alien they ran into on Strange Brew. Betcha he could jimmy the lock open

How is banging on the door helping? Trying to wake up your roommate inside?