Loose Parts by Dave Blazek for May 20, 2016

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!”“What do you mean?” the pirate replies, “I’m fine.”The bartender says, “But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”“Yeah,” says the bartender, “But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.”“Well,” says the pirate, “We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.”“Oh,” says the bartender, “What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.”“Well,” says the pirate, “One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them—yarrgh, er, pooped—in my eye.”“So?” replied the bartender, “what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from that!” " Well it was the first day I had me hook."

And with his “pointy thing” , he is very handy at hot dog roasts.

Hey, I was thinking about that joke even before I read your post.

There’s a cartoon floating around somewhere depicting a pirate with a hook applying for a job. The HR rep is discussing the results of his aptitude test and offers him a choice between pirate and massage therapist.

And thar went me livelihood as a proctologist.

This is unsettling…