Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 01, 2016

She qualifies to be Noah’s Ark because she brings a pair…

Someone should have warned Scarlett that, on Noah’s boat, “poop deck” has a whole new meaning.

Scarlett would probably float better than Pig.

Which is the longer Noah story, the Biblical account or PBS? It’s getting to be a close call at this point.

Noah’s version was forty days and forty nights, and that’s not counting the time spent building the ark and gathering the animals before the rains came, or the time looking for land after it stopped falling..PBS still has a ways to go to match that.

How is Victor the Vegan managing? Raft made of acorn squash all lashed together?

Better than “Poop on the party deck!”Eeeeeeeeew!

Future generations will thank him.Of course, they will all be second cousins, at best.

Noah will have to get another black widow to save.

Noah are the Crocs on board ?

Holy crap – an actual joke that actually made me laugh.

Well, Rat, Pig, look at the bright side. You know, with Reincarnation: there will always be other lifetimes, and other opportunities.

Where the crocs? They should be lovin’ all that wáter. .

Which “poop-deck” are we talking about here…?

Obviously Mrs. Noah didn’t make the cut either.

All aboard the S.S. Incest.

I wonder if Pig ditched Rat, then maybe he’d have a chance on the ark.

(…snerk…)She said poop…

They must be living in Texas! Send us your spare arks, rowboats, speedboat, houseboats or yachts. Dry land is getting hard to find.

Why do people call celebrities by their first names? I mean, it’s not like you know the person…I only ever call a celebrity by just their first name if I know them personally, which I only know four celebrities personally.

The Tale of the Scarlett Soul turned out to be a horror story, told through the eyes of two drowning victims….

What about the Grand Canyon? The great flood buried layer upon layer of evidence of pre Noah life on Earth. Them washed it all out in one big event creating the erosion ditches that are now our National Parks!

Why didn’t Noah swat those 2 flies (and 2 mosquitoes) when he had the chance?

Yes! Some toonist took my suggestion.

Scarlett Johannson? The woman who stared as Romanoff in the Avengers movies??

Hey hey hey, Pig loves everyone and is always nice.

Pharisee!