Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for June 10, 2016

A tracking shock collar no less…

Not the smartest bear that went over the mountain…

The modern ball and chain…

Just a note: it is “Smokey Bear”, not “Smokey THE bear”, and he’s a U.S. Forest Service mascot, NOT National Park Service.

Something tells me Ol’ Smokey won’t be getting a bear hug when he gets home.

Smokey is nicer than the Wileybears

Park Bar, another good reason to go to the park.

“And she said to tell you, bring one of the patrons home for dinner.”

Much ado about nothing.

“He can find a fire, before it starts a flame. That’s why they call him Smokey, and how he got his name.”Damn, it’s been 45, 50 years since I heard that and it’s still stuck in my mind.

So mama bear is checking up on our hero. Smokey is having the last drink; or is it morning coffee?

Did I learn the song wrong? “On top of old Smokey, all covered in hair, of course we’re referring to, to Smokey the Bear.”

Tracking collar, GPS on a smart phone . . . Same thing

Only you can prevent alcoholism.

Is a wildfire the same as a feral fire?

Mack Knife isn;t as catchy as Mack the Knife.

isn’t

maybe it’s The Jellystone Park Bar……..

Smokey, you’re just gonna have to grin and bear it ( pun intended, Calamity ).That radio collar is to keep you on the right track.Time to drink up, go home, and eat that overheated porridge.

Well, technically, it’s Jesus the Christ (it’s a title) and The Buddha.

In junior high school kids would yell “FIGHT-FIGHT” and watch two boys slug it out. Not my cup of tea, being a peace-maker. But you guys are like those junior high boys. I’m tempted to yell “FIGHT”! to see who comes running!

“What’s a bear gotta do to get a drink around here?”…… annnyyy thhiiinggg hheee wwwaaannntttss!

Just another note: a decade with National Park Service, two decades with BLM, including working closely with Forest Service folks on many projects. Which when Smokey appeared with fire crews here, BLM and Forest Service crews did both appear with Smokey.

BTW I love all of Wiley’s bears, except the notion of bears eating people, when indeed humans like Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy have eaten a lot more people than all the bears in the US combined.

I respect the power of bears, and their territorial “rights”, but have never met even a bad bear that was as dangerous as irrational/nasty humans- bears don’t start wars, or Rob seven elevens and kill all the clerks.

Misconceptions are too rarely corrected in our culture anymore, as it offends the ignorant populace; which explains politics today.

Wiley: however: I did get called to a picnic area one night because one of our bears was disrupting a college party by drinking all their beer! He was sitting on his rump (semi-classic zoo begging posture) by the Merced River, grabbing beers off their stack of cans, biting into the cans and draining them. He was totally blasted, so when they asked me to get rid of the bear, I merely walked up to him and gave him a shove, tipping him over and sending him down the bank and into the river. Got a huge round of applause from the party.

Bears DO drink beer and DO get blasted, on or off “duty”.

As I said, love your bears despite the singular complaint. Also my Cocker Spaniel “Rusty” when I was a kid DID sleep ON his doghouse, and also climbed up our apple trees to chase cats, really freaked ’em out!

@dtroutmaAlmost like Lord Buckley’s classic “God’s Own Drunk.”