Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for October 13, 2016

She’s just playing hard to get.

Not a bad idea. Maybe we could get Trump to invest.

Quite ideal for an Irish Parade..

Equipped with little green edible apple grenades.

Pointy chin, no Dagmars, grumpy. Boys, I hope you are learning.

I’ll bet he wasn’t expecting the Spanish Inquisition.

What I said was “olive drab”. If you are going to interrogate me, at least try to get me to admit to things that actually happened!

But what do you suppose would happen if I were to drop this open vial of potassium into the drain and turn on the tap?

This kid did make a fortune! I looked up tactical kilts on google images and lots of olive-drab kilts popped up! For the stylish metrosexual warrior. (There were other colors, too. And pockets for your tic tacs, pawn receipts, bail bonds paperwork, Depends® coupons, library card, list of destinations for “Antique Roadshow”, pedometer, and a photo of Vlad when he was a bouncing baby tormentor, etc.)

Which clan wears olive-drab and khaki plaid?

It wasn’t college boy. It was B.O.

It was a khaki-lated decision to get more one-on-one time with you.

Utilikilt* Safety tips… Because We Care:Safety Tip: No matter how much Robitussin you drink, Utilikilts* cannot be made from Fruit Roll-Ups, nor should this be attempted.

Safety Tip: When dodging rubber bullets at the protest, be sure to hold your kilt down, as you would in a strong wind.

Safety Tip: When dancing drunk at your wife’s company picnic, resist the urge to lift your kilt above your chest.

Safety Tip: When the Airport Security man at JFK International pats you down, refrain from mentioning your many “secret pockets”.

Safety Tip: Puffy-sleeved shirts are not recommended with any Utilikilt*, and could lead to other fashion accidents.

Safety Tip: “Acid Washed” does not refer to real acid.

Safety Tip: Leaf-blower duels while wearing your Utilikilt* and your “SUBMIT” t-shirt in front of the Michigan Womyns Festival are not encouraged.

Safety Tip: Reenacting “The Life and Death of a Fish“ in the Super Bass-O-Matic 2000 at the Farm and Home Show in Kansas City will not only ruin your kilt, but may also induce motion sickness.

Safety Tip: Breeding rattlesnakes is a bad idea, regardless of attire.http://www.utilikilts.com/faq#11

He missed the hot :)

Army green is the new black.

What is to stop anybody from buying a roll of duck tape and making their own tactical utility kilt? Nothing, that’s what.

And they have many colors, now. 3M is okay, but you really want the Original Duck® brand.

“Boys will be boys”?

Go get ’em, Harlow!

Hey, Prof! Take an English course! Your word order is during my rant the one that sickens!

Besides, student-boy, what exactly is a “tactical kilt”? One with the lower hem weighted down?

I thought that being a professional scholar would be difficult, that people would expect me to know things and to always have some edge of knowledge greater than theirs. Boy, was I wrong. I just make things up most of the time, and the more absurd, the better. Because I am acknowl-wedged as an expert, the more wrong I am, the smarter people perceive me as being, since they cannot wrap their tiny brains around my bovine scatting and be-bopping. The more I conflict with reality and common sense, couching my pronunciations in obfuscation and blather to provide cover for the lack of content, the more I am admired and higher the plinth on which my reputation rests.

If you sell a billion kilts and make a zillion dollars, your success will never equal mine. I have tenure.

I don’t know how to love him.What to do, how to move him.I’ve been changed, yes really changed.In these past few days, when I’ve seen myself,I seem like someone else.I don’t know how to take this.I don’t see why he moves me.He’s a man. He’s just a man.And I’ve had so many men before,In very many ways,He’s just one more.Should I bring him down?