Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 05, 2017
January 04, 2017
January 06, 2017
Transcript:
Goat: I hear you got a new job.
Rat: Yeah. As a court reporter.
Goat: Why'd you want to do that?
Rat: Because my goal in life is to spend as much time around lawyers as possible.
Goat: Hahahahahaha.
Rat: But seriously, I'm desperate.
Everyone loves to bash lawyers; but you should always remember that they fill a vital role; if it weren’t for them, rats and roaches would have to do things they found morally reprehensible.
On American TV, half the ads seem to be drug companies telling you to use their product to cure what ails you, and the other half is lawyers trying to get you to sue the drug companies for the damage caused by those products.
If you are in a sealed room with 1. A lawyer, 2. A starving tiger and 3. A starving crocagator, and all you have is a gun with just TWO bullets, what do you do? Answer: Shoot the lawyer, twice.
Harvard Medical School has started using lawyers in place of rats. There are more of them, they’ll do things no rat would ever dream of doing, and you don’t get so attached to them.
Old tactic, you’re hurt for life and the lawyers settle. You’ve been conned! Hold out. Yes, hold out and do not settle till you’re in court. First learn about the time value of money, e.g. $20K in 1990 is now worth $200K and in 2044 will be $2 million. Then argue that you want the settlement in monthly payments. Your friendly and helpful lawyer will fight you to the death.
This is my favorite comic strip, because of Stephan’s willingness to make fun of himself. Unfortunately, it was recently dropped from my local newspaper.
Given Cartoon-Boy’s known history, I can understand your predicament Rat (and this applies to you, too, Goat). There is no escaping your Creator and (Rat’s) alter ego….
Too many lawyer jokes, too little time. My favorite has to do with a couple of alligators and not shaking a certain waste product out of the body before eating them in order to gain weight.
Didn’t read all 50 or so comments above, so I apologize if this has been covered. A court reporter works for a paper or for tv / internet news and covers what goes on in court, or tennis / basketball players. A court stenographer takes notes in court. Wondering which job rat took.
A lawyer goes to get a headstone for a plot for his final resting place. He asks to have it inscribed with “Here lies a lawyer and an honest man”. The inscribers says, “We are not allowed to bury two men in the same grave!”.
BE THIS GUY almost 8 years ago
Wasn’t Rat a judge few months ago? He got demoted.
Templo S.U.D. almost 8 years ago
how good are Rat’s typing skills I wonder
Oshietekun almost 8 years ago
What’s brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman
Oshietekun almost 8 years ago
Why does the Bar prevent a lawyer from having sex with his client?
To keep the lawyer from billing twice for essentially the same thing.
Plumbob Wilson almost 8 years ago
Everyone loves to bash lawyers; but you should always remember that they fill a vital role; if it weren’t for them, rats and roaches would have to do things they found morally reprehensible.
546mailbox almost 8 years ago
You guys commenting on this strip are funnier than the strip itself.
jbmlaw01 almost 8 years ago
98% of the attorneys make the rest of us look bad.
Sandfan almost 8 years ago
On American TV, half the ads seem to be drug companies telling you to use their product to cure what ails you, and the other half is lawyers trying to get you to sue the drug companies for the damage caused by those products.
boxturtle almost 8 years ago
What do you need when you find three lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?
A) More Sand.b) Honey and ants.C) depends on the distance to the hole, but probably a 5 iron.
eddie6192 almost 8 years ago
That’s the first time I ever saw Goat crack a smile.
William Taylor almost 8 years ago
If you are in a sealed room with 1. A lawyer, 2. A starving tiger and 3. A starving crocagator, and all you have is a gun with just TWO bullets, what do you do? Answer: Shoot the lawyer, twice.
OGWhatahunk almost 8 years ago
toahero almost 8 years ago
Don’t tell me a lawyer joke, I’ve got several friends who are lawyers.
(It doesn’t mean I’ll be offended, but it does mean I’ve already heard it)
MeGoNow Premium Member almost 8 years ago
I worked for 35 of them. They’re simple folk. Easily fooled.
VICTOR PROULX almost 8 years ago
The dollar is nine tenths of the law.
Steve Dutch almost 8 years ago
Harvard Medical School has started using lawyers in place of rats. There are more of them, they’ll do things no rat would ever dream of doing, and you don’t get so attached to them.
Perkycat almost 8 years ago
Great lawyer jokes you all! Thanks for the laughs.
nosirrom almost 8 years ago
Why should you worry about lawyers practicing law.
Because no matter how long they’ve been practicing they can’t get it right.
BTW: remember that half of all the lawyers graduated in the bottom half of their class.
billswingle almost 8 years ago
Excellent strip today! I truly laughed OUT LOUD. Really.
zeexenon almost 8 years ago
Old tactic, you’re hurt for life and the lawyers settle. You’ve been conned! Hold out. Yes, hold out and do not settle till you’re in court. First learn about the time value of money, e.g. $20K in 1990 is now worth $200K and in 2044 will be $2 million. Then argue that you want the settlement in monthly payments. Your friendly and helpful lawyer will fight you to the death.
Liverlips McCracken Premium Member almost 8 years ago
Why don’t sharks eat lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
Ken Hedden almost 8 years ago
This is my favorite comic strip, because of Stephan’s willingness to make fun of himself. Unfortunately, it was recently dropped from my local newspaper.
Number Three almost 8 years ago
Who on earth would hire Rat?
Oh of course. Anything can happen in comic strips.
xxx
griffon8 almost 8 years ago
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
.
A rooster clucks defiance.
tgamb almost 8 years ago
You know, of course, that Stephan was a lawyer….
Sherlock Watson almost 8 years ago
My earlier post seems to have disappeared, so here it is again:
:
How is a goose like a lawyer?
He can stick his bill up his @$$.
Sisyphos almost 8 years ago
Given Cartoon-Boy’s known history, I can understand your predicament Rat (and this applies to you, too, Goat). There is no escaping your Creator and (Rat’s) alter ego….
knight1192a almost 8 years ago
Too many lawyer jokes, too little time. My favorite has to do with a couple of alligators and not shaking a certain waste product out of the body before eating them in order to gain weight.
Jeff0811 almost 8 years ago
Didn’t read all 50 or so comments above, so I apologize if this has been covered. A court reporter works for a paper or for tv / internet news and covers what goes on in court, or tennis / basketball players. A court stenographer takes notes in court. Wondering which job rat took.
fofinho almost 8 years ago
A lawyer goes to get a headstone for a plot for his final resting place. He asks to have it inscribed with “Here lies a lawyer and an honest man”. The inscribers says, “We are not allowed to bury two men in the same grave!”.
SonicFan91 over 5 years ago
Wow
PBS1! about 3 years ago
STP mocking his former profession once again.