Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 20, 2017

That night, Rat harvested all of Pig’s organs while he was sleeping and still alive.

It’s like I’ve stepped back in time. This feels like a joke that Pearls would’ve made back in its early years.

You can have my Wurlitzer, but you’ll have to pry my Hammond from my cold, dead hands.

PIG is calling RAT stupid? Well, THAT’S new!

And here I was expecting a “because I won’t be able to play them anymore” punchline.

It may not be an organ, but I’ll put in an order for a bacon transplant.

“well, i can’t play them when i die, now can i?”

A man had to park on the street, and he left his organ on the back seat. When he returned, he was shocked to see that one of the car’s back windows was smashed, and there were now two organs on the back seat.

If I had Pig’s heart, it might be an improvement. If his brain, maybe not.

So donate the piano instead.

Once again, Pastis plays it innocent, all the while leading his commenters to the chopping block.

So, is Pig going to make a list, specifying which ones, or is he going to skip the organ recital?

This reminds me of an episode of Taxi, where Reverend Jim was trying to borrow money from Louie.

Louie (handing Jim the loan agreement): This says that in the event you fail to pay me back, I have the right to sell your body for medical experiments.

Jim: You mean after I’m dead?

Louie: No.

Mmmmm, bacon

Ask a question that’s open to interpretation and 10:1 it won’t be interpreted the way you intended. My students taught me that.

And in the next panel, Rat pushes Pig off the cliff.

When I go, all my organs, tissues, bones, etc are all fair game for transplant. If my anal sphincter will help someone, they can have it. I won’t be using it anymore.

Actually when pigs die their organs are almost always donated to a meat processor. Mmmmmm bacon, ham pork chops, ribs etc. Oh, I almost forgot, “pickled pigs feet” and “mountain oysters”! Yum!

How about donating yourself to me, Pig. I’m hungry, and you look delicious…

Can we have your liver?

“Gee, Dad…It’s a Wurlitzer !!… “(sigh) no, son..it’s a Howitzer !”

I think donating all of a pig’s organs would be just offal.

I’ve made the decision to sign up as an Organ Donor next year.

Well, I won’t be using em’

xxx

Pig’s logic is impeccable. But he’s still improbably dumb.

Does anyone mind bruised bacon? Will Pig jump?

True story:

I saw a fried chicken place with a sign outside reading “Yes!” “We have livers!” I went inside and told the manager there was no need to state the obvious. “Why is it obvious?” “Because if you didn’t have them, you’d all be dead.”

You’re next to a cliff. Now’s a good time..

There are no stupid questions…Is the greatest lie school ever taught me.

Did you know that if you took all the blood vessels out of your body and laid them out, you would die?

After you die, you’ll be ham, bacon, and sausage links.