Moderately Confused by Jeff Stahler for May 15, 2018

Yeah. Good luck with that.

A result devoutly to be desired but rarely realized.

I was next to someone who brought in a tuna salad sub…stinky.

My daughters and I are left-handed. We have other superpowers as well.

I never bring my phone to the movies – because it’s screwed to the kitchen wall.

That’s why I only ever go to Alamo Drafthouse.

Respect. Find out what it means to us.At Alamo Drafthouse we respect our guests, our employees, and the work of the filmmakers that unspools on screen. That’s why…

- We have a Code of Conduct that strictly prohibits harassment of any type by anyone at our theater.- We have zero tolerance for talking or using a cell phone of any kind during films. We’ll kick you out, promise. We’ve got backup.- We don’t allow anyone under the age of 18 to see a film unaccompanied unless they’re part of our Victory Vanguard program.- To minimize distractions, we generally don’t admit infants and small children. We do, however, offer weekly daytime screenings under the banner of Alamo For All, meant for young families and guests with special needs.- We don’t show paid advertisements on our screens. Instead, if you arrive early you’ll see a custom preshow our video squad has filled with content we think you’ll love.

Bring back ushers, arm them with a cattle prod. The flashlight comes on for a second and you see a flash and hear a pop.

I sat next to someone who thought they were watching at home and commented through the entire movie.

I feel fortunate to have a local “artsy” movie theater with a very loyal crowd that attends. Before every film starts the owner or a staff walks down in front of the audience and reminds them to throw out their trash in receptacles on the way out, to wait until the movie is over to discuss it, and to turn off or silent your cell phones. There are very few people who violate these requests.

Second story, if I may. I attended a summer theater once with a lighthearted play, and in the script a phone was supposed to ring. When it did the two actors on stage stopped in their tracks and looked at the audience disapprovingly and gave them a mini lecture about cell phones. They then resumed the play until again the stage phone rang, and again they admonished the audience, this time more severely. The third time the phone rang they were besides themselves until one of them “remembered” that the phone call was in the script. It was a well done joke and the audience knew it was all along.