Rudy Park by Darrin Bell and Theron Heir for June 03, 2018

Just order a black coffee.

I’ll have a why-do-you-want-to-know?-why-base-your-order-on-what-other-people-are-buying?-don’t-be-a-follower.-be-your-own-man.-if-you’re-unfamiliar-with-a-drink,-ask-what’s-in-it-and-decide-for-yourself-whether-that-sounds-good.-or-better-yet,-live-a-little.-take-a-risk.-choose-a-drink-you’ve-never-had-at-random-and-see-where-it-takes-you.-you-only-have-one-life.-don’t-live-it-following-in-the-footsteps-of-other-people, hold the pineapple.

I’ll have the black coffee. Dark roast.

If I have to go to Starbucks, I get a “small coffee.” Which roast? “I don’t care.” But even then I have to answer the “leave room?” question (hey, I ordered coffee, not air).

I get the coffee the way I want it, I don’t have to wait, and I don’t have to give my name.

Be generous; give a six-word order: “small coffee, no cream, no sugar.” Four more words, but perhaps a couple of seconds of time saved.

When they ask for my name, I say something like: “42.”

What’s the most popular drink there for women, then?