Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 22, 2018

Pig, your girlfriend wants to continue this activity.

Swedish bookshelf

If Ingvar Kamprad hadn’t died back in January this year, he’d be appalled or laughing.

Step 5: beat the living pork out of spouse.

I’m actually more surprised that after Pig read the instructions for #4, that he didn’t holler out that they CAN’T assemble the bookshelf unless they get married first!

Finally, accurate instructions!

Something makes me suspect Stephan isn’t too handy with an IKEA assembly manual.

Trouble with IKEA Pastis? Ask Rat for help. He will do a flaming good job Wakakakak _

Men do not have a monopoly on this fun activity that can be done any day of the week. I sill have some parts never attached to said bookcase for fear the joy of it would be overwhelming for the thumb.

I put a shed together all by myself. You just have to THINK about it and have lots of tools. I used clamps to hold the walls up so I could connect them, for instance. People are in a HURRY, the cause of most failure.

Well, technically, Pigita, isn’t his spouse. So, Pig, can skip that last part

This isn’t a good IKEA parody; the real IKEA instructions don’t assume that the customer is literate.

Reminds me of the the three little words that strike fear into the hearts of parents:

“Some assembly required,”

In the future, when you buy a house you’ll actually get a vacant lot with 254 boards and 1724 screws. And one hex wrench.

So they shelved the shelf-building project :-)

Best IKEA instructions ever:

http://www.mikesacks.com/ikea-instructions/

The real issue is that males like me don’t read the instructions. Then we blame IKEA that it didn’t go together properly.

Never blame your wife, especially when she’s about to beat you to death with a board.

2X4. Best attitude adjustment tool ever.

They forgot the instruction where you lose that stupid little key which is the only thing that fits those stupid attachments. Instruction 4 then follows where wife blames you, even though she was the last one to have it.

I see Pigita likes board games.

Yeah, you better shelve that plan, Pigs.

IKEA YOU!

Look for “Apald” and “Laffn” at your nearest Ikea store.

They had a story in Reader’s Digest from a guy who writes assembly instructions, which requires him to actually assemble the items. Once he assembled a baby crib in his living room. When he attempted to remove it to another room, it wouldn’t fit through the door. The first instruction is “ASSEMBLE CRIB IN ROOM WHERE IT WILL BE USED.”

“1. Buy some books.”

Even more essentially: get rid of that awful Pigita before she kills you, Pig!

How do you attached 3 shelves with 4 screws?

I just saw this and came to the following conclusion: Pig was screwed, and Pigata got nailed. As for me, I was board at the time. Stephan needs to be panelized. Why should I hammer it home?