Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 11, 2019

There’s something oddly phallic about this strip.

And arms race escalates!

I see a pair of spiked ball flails beats a spear.

If this keeps up, we’re going to have Rat-patooey and shish-ka-Bob.

Okay, as long as we stay at c. 1600 weaponry.

Meanwhile, Pig happily sits on his pillow…

A pair of anything beats a high card,

Peace thru superior fire power

This is similar to the kumquat missile crisis storyline from 2003, where Rat and neighbor Floyd each had a nuclear bomb.

https://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2003/06/10

Mutually assured destruction!

How long before Rat realises he can hurl the spear from a safe distance?

And thus the reason for a man’s home being a castle…… Croc Power !

But a spear has more reach. Perhaps a crossbow?

Remember Mad Magazine’s Spy vs Spy cartoon?

Let the arms race begin!

I told ya it would escalate. Bob’s an escalator.

And thus begins the arms race.

Where’s guard Duck when you need him?

Mulberry trees are the worst. If you want mulberries, get the variety with white berries for concrete, black or red for asphalt.

Peace through superior firepower.

Nope, he’s flailing for power.

Maces and morning stars have the ball attached to a handle. Flails have a swingable ball.

Neighbor Bob standing his ground

Donb’t mess with the Pig – he has a pillow! Gasp!

Build a wall.

Maybe neighbor Bob should offer Rat an olive branch of peace!? Pig would like that.

put the CROCS in a moat! Best defense.

arms race

Next step is Guard Duck with a rocket launcher.

If art imitates life, can we infer that Steph is having a spat with his neighbor?

I’ve seen an SCA medieval fighting expert use on. They aren’t easy to deploy. You have to swing out fast enough to get the heavy ball in motion in the right way. Neighbor Bob is holding them wrong, and his skinny arms probably couldn’t move them correctly. On top of that, Rat’s spear has more reach than Bob and his morning star. A fast reach beats a heavier weapon every time. Bob would be skewered before he got his weapon even close to Rat. Of course, Rat is a coward so Bob is safe enough just having a weapon.

Time to resort to Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock. https://the-big-bang-theory.com/rock-paper-scissors-lizard-spock/

An armed society is a polite society.

and thus starts the arms race…

I’ve seen untrained people with nunchakus injuring themselves worse than their opponents.

Next time, the catapult!

They both need the embrace of an Iron Maiden!

Peace through Mutual Assured Destruction.

You wanna know how to get Neighbor Bob? He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That’s the Pearls Before Swine way! And that’s how you get Neighbor Bob.

Can’t we all just live in peace?

A Temporary Truce (as in Korea), until the arms race yields a clear winner. Go, Rat! Neighbor Bobs are expendable and replaceable!

You have more range, Rat.

Next thing Rat’s gonna have a trebuchet in his backyard

Ummmmmm…

lets say, if rat and bob join forces, it would be a long stick with two balls on the bottom… right? is it just me?

Don’t take a spear into a flail fight!